Crucible
by Lauren779
Summary: After a tragedy hits Shay, she becomes a shell of her former self. She keeps her distance, doesn't open up to anybody, and her family at 51 think it's Darryl all over again. Meanwhile, House 51 gets a transfer firefighter, who may not have the best intentions.
1. Chapter 1

**CRUCIBLE**

**A/N:** Takes place near the end of season two, but does not follow the same timeline of the show in regards to the finale. The focus is on Shay (because I think she is one of the most underwritten other lead female character on the show, so I always write about her) with Shayveride and Shawson friendship. There are also hints of Shevon and Sharice. But mostly/eventually Shafferty (cause I am still pissed they cut the scene in the cross over episode). Anyways, I hope I end up writing something that is worth reading.

**SYNOPSIS:** After a tragedy hits Shay, she becomes a shell of her former self. She keeps her distance, doesn't open up to anybody, and her family at 51 think it's Darryl all over again. Meanwhile, House 51 gets a transfer firefighter, who may not have the best intentions.

* * *

**CHAPTER ONE**

OTIS looked at Cruz, with a mix of curiousness and disgust across his face, as he watched his friend attempt to make Dominican food for lunch at 51 again.

"What exactly are you making us again?" Otis finally asked, which caused Cruz to turn away from the stove and face him.

With a big smile on his face, Cruz responded, "My family's secret recipe. It was passed down from my great-great grandmother, to my great-grandmother, to my grandmother, and finally to my mother."

Herrmann, who had been quietly reading the _Chicago Tribune_ paper at the table, half laughed as he said, "Who then passed it on to you?"

"Yeah!" Cruz said excitedly, but the looks he got from the men in the room told him they didn't share his excitement.

Otis gave Cruz a sympathetic look. "You're skilled at many things, Cruz. But cooking is not one of them."

"Very funny guys, but when you taste this amazing family recipe, you'll be begging for more."

"In the meantime," Otis began to say as he started to head toward the apparatus bay, "I am going to see if I can beg Mills to cook us something in case you butcher your family's sacred recipe."

"At least he is cooking for us," Mouch said, once the program he was watching cut to a commercial. "Which is more than you have done for us this week."

"Thank you, Mouch," Cruz said, just as Otis had left. "But you think you could have stuck up for me before he left?"

"He's your roommate, Cruz. And besides, my programming was very interesting. I couldn't look away."

"You mean your soap-opera was very interesting," Herrmann reminded. "Had I known you were into those types of things, I would have asked my wife to come down and watch it with you so you both could gush over who-is-dating-who."

Cruz turned back to the stove to stir the pot. He looked down at Pouch, who was lying down on the floor lazily. "See what we gotta put up with?"

Pouch only softly whined.

* * *

DAWSON stepped out of the back of the Ambo, and shut the door behind her. She smiled as she saw Casey approach her.

"Feel any different now that you passed your Firefighter's exam?" He asked as he put his arms around her waist.

She looked deeply into his blue eyes. There were actually a lot of things she was feeling. Nervous. Excited. Happy. Scared. Accomplished. Sad. None of those things she would openly tell Casey just yet. After all, she needed her own time to digest the information that she won't be coming back to 51.

"I feel…unstoppable," She finally managed to say.

"You are," He affirmed placing his hands on her shoulder firmly. "You're Gabriella Dawson. Nothing can hold you back."

"She's a storm to be reckoned with, that's for sure," Mills said as he walked by the two of them.

"You all better stop complementing me like that. I'm going to get a God-complex."

"Impossible," Casey said as they made their way to the Squad table, where Severide, Capp, Newhouse and Tony were playing poker.

"Hey, has anyone seen Shay?" Dawson asked.

"She had to make a phone call," Severide answered without looking up from his cards. "To Devon."

Otis, who had been watching the card game, sighed heavily. "I can't believe she is gave her another chance after what she did."

"Believe me, I am not happy about it," Severide responded, and the bitterness was evident in his voice. "But Shay can't see Devon is no good for her. She says she isn't holding a torch for this woman, and yet, Devon is staying over at our place, when the last time that happened she ripped us off with our stuff."

He slams his cards down on the table. "I fold."

"She must have her reason," Newhouse piped up. "Everyone always has a reason."

"Have you talked with Shay about it?" Dawson asked Severide. Newhouse may have been right about Shay having a reason for letting Devon stay, but whatever that reason was, she was out of the loop.

"I gave her an ultimatum. Either Devon goes, or I go."

Capp, who is normally quiet, looked at his Lieutenant. "Isn't that a bit…harsh?"

"What did she say?" Mills asked.

"I don't know. She never game me an answer, only told me she was going to call Devon."

Dawson was about to say something, but she was interrupted by Chief Boden walking through the apparatus bay, followed by a Caucasian man with brown hair and hazel eyes, looking to be around the same age and build as Casey and Severide.

"Everyone, in the boardroom. Now."

* * *

CRUZ'S Dominican lunch would have to wait, as everyone gathered in the boardroom. Chief had waited until everyone was settled before he looked over to his right to introduce the mysterious man who was standing beside him.

"I'd like to introduce everyone to James Allister. Allister transferred from House 42. He'll be joining Truck 81. I expect everyone to give him a warm welcome."

Allister cleared his throat. "I'm really excited to be here."

"Hey Allister, how do you feel about Dominican food?" Cruz asked.

"It's good…" Allister said somewhat confused by the laughter coming from the men in the house.

Casey stood up and went over to greet Allister. "I'm Lieutenant Matthew Casey. You'll be riding with me and these fools on Truck 81." He pointed to where Otis, Cruz, Herrmann, and Mouch were sitting.

"Nice to meet you Lieutenant," Allister said as he shook hands with Casey.

"Over there is Lieutenant Kelly Severide. He runs Squad 3."

"This is quite a nice house," Allister commented.

"It's the very best," Chief Boden said. "Make yourself at home."

* * *

"SO, we got another new guy in the house," Dawson said, breaking the silence that filled the back of the Ambulance as she and Shay were doing inventory.

Shay sighed as she finished placing the last of the gauze into the cabinets. "I know. Complete bummer. With you going, you would think the Universe would throw me a bone and give me another piece of eye candy."

Dawson laughed as she playfully threw an empty box at Shay. "Was that all I was to you, Shay? Eye candy?"

"The best eye candy a lesbian could ask for," Shay said as she batted her eyes, which caused Dawson to laugh again. "But seriously though. I am so proud of you, and I love you, and you are going to be great."

"Thanks Shay. Your support means the world to me. And who knows, maybe you'll get a female partner to replace me and you can use her as eye candy."

Now it was Shay's turn to throw back the empty box at Dawson. "They already have the person lined up. Kevin Winebate."

"Oh," Dawson said, and she tried her best to hide the sadness and shock in her voice that this was actually happening, and that she was already replaced. "They couldn't get Rafferty?"

"Rafferty is on Ambo 74. With Chout." Shay paused, and then said, "I guess I'll be the only woman in a house full of men – and believe me, the irony in all of this does not escape me."

Dawson gave Shay a sympathetic smile. She took a deep breath, noticing her opportunity. "Speaking of women…"

Shay froze, knowing where the conversation was headed next.

"Kelly told me the situation…with Devon."

"I'm going to figure it out," Shay said. "After shift. I'm going to go home and talk to Devon. And I know what you are probably thinking –about me giving her a second chance, but it's complicated."

"Say no more," Dawson said. "But just remember, you got to figure this out. It's between you and Devon. Not between you and Severide."

Shay nodded her head offering Dawson a small smile.

* * *

IT took Shay six bars, and half the night, to finally find Devon.

When she had come home from her shift, she had planned to talk with Devon over dinner – just the two of them, to sort everything out, and talk about the ultimatum Kelly had given her. Instead what she found was a note from Devon with the words, '_I'm sorry. I'll pay everything back when I can.'_ And like that, Devon was gone again (with her things only this time).

This was unacceptable to Shay. Earlier that day they promised each other they were going to talk, and that was what she was going to do. She didn't care if she spent all night looking for Devon; the two of them were going to talk.

"Devon," Shay said once she noticed the brunette walk out of a dive-looking bar alone, and out to the now empty street.

Devon froze, and it took her a minute to turn around and face Shay. "Leslie."

"Don't Leslie me," Shay said as she walked closer to Devon. "We were supposed to talk, and instead I find"—she pulls out a piece of paper from her pocket and holds it up to Devon's face—"this."

Devon looked around, avoiding eye contact with Shay. "I needed to make sure you knew I have every intention of paying you and your roommates back."

"We were supposed to talk," Shay said as if she completely ignored what Devon had just said to her.

"I know. But I didn't—I couldn't—you shouldn't have to choose between Kelly and me. You've been friends for god-knows-how long, and I betrayed you in the worst possible way. I made the choice for you so you wouldn't have to."

Shay was taken aback, but Devon continued talking, "It's easier for me to go. I haven't had the easiest life, Leslie. My mom was abusive. I can't even count how many times she has given me a black eye. My dad, when he wasn't drinking, did his best for me, and saved my ass more times than I can count…"

Devon trailed off slightly, and after she regained her composure, she continued. "Most of the women in my life have been one-night stands. I have never even been close to falling or even loving someone. I don't get close to people because I know I fuck everything up, one way or another. But then I met you, and I felt different, you know? You made me feel things I never felt before."

"But Kelly is right. What I did is unforgivable. I betrayed you in the worst possible way because I was too stupid to ask for help. I got your message, on my phone, and I do care for you, that's why I want to make things right. But I don't know why. I don't know why, after all I have done, you gave me a second chance."

Silence over came the two of them as they stared into each other's eyes. After a moment, Shay, purely out of impulse, grabbed Devon and kissed her. Hard. Shocking the both of them.

"I gave you a second chance," Shay began to say after she pulled apart from the kiss. "Because I loved you. You were there for me when I needed someone. We all make mistakes, Devon."

"I seem to make a lot of them," Devon said with a sad sigh.

Shay grabbed Devon's hand. "Come back to my place. We'll figure this out in the morning, okay?"

"I really shouldn't."

"I am not taking no for an answer."

Devon sighed. "My truck is parked up the street."

Shay put out her hand, and Devon reached into her pocket and silently placed her keys in Shay's hand.

"After you," Shay said and she began to wordlessly follow Devon back to her truck.

Shay was so caught up in her own mind about how she was going to explain this to Kelly without losing him, that she didn't even hear the two cars speeding down the street. She only heard a loud 'Pop' noise, followed by Devon screaming her name, as she fell to the ground, and then another loud 'Pop' noise followed by her screaming Devon's name, as she saw Devon fall to the ground.

The last thing Shay saw was Devon, unmoving, before everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

RAFFERTY and Chout were the first to respond to Dispatch's call about a drive by shooting with a possible victim. When they arrived at the scene, they noticed a woman lying motionless on the sidewalk and quickly went to work.

When they rushed over to the brunette woman, things were not looking good. There was a massive pool of blood underneath her, and even in the dark, both Chout and Rafferty could already see that the woman's lips had turned blue.

"She's cold, and I can't find a pulse," Chout said as he began to hook up the monitor to check for vitals.

Rafferty who was examining the woman's injuries said, "Bullet was through and through, she's lost a lot of blood." She looked at the monitor. There were no signs of life.

Chout placed his hand on his radio. "I'm calling it in. There's nothing more we can do."

Rafferty sighed sadly as she looked at the woman. She was young, maybe in her late twenties, early thirties. It was a senseless way to die.

As Chout was speaking to dispatch, Rafferty examined the area. There was a small blood trail leading away from the body, and not too far from the body, she noticed a cellphone that was now soaked in blood and cracked. She picked it up to see if she could turn it on, to see who this woman was, but it was now damaged.

"Something doesn't feel right about this," Rafferty said as she turned to Chout, holding up the cellphone. "This cellphone is broken."

Chout, who had been looking for a piece of identification, held up the victim's driver's license. "She has ID on her. Maybe they can find a way to notify Devon's family by this."

"That's not what I meant. If the cellphone is broken, who called 9-1-1? And there is a small trail of blood leading away from the body."

Chout shrugged. "We aren't crime scene investigators, Raff. Maybe she was originally shot somewhere else and made her way here? Maybe the phone broke after she called 9-1-1?"

Rafferty bit her lip, the uneasiness of this situation still eating at her. "You have to admit, it's pretty weird. I mean we were told to come from the South side, which is exactly where we found her. We would have came in from the North side…"

"I don't know what you are getting at," Chout admitted. "Maybe the bar owner called it in. Who knows? But that's not our job."

"I know what our job is. Look, I am going to check out this blood trail. Once the police get here, they can handle it. But if there was another victim and we missed it, I wouldn't be okay with it."

"I don't think there is anyone else here," Chout said as he looked around the very empty street. "But if you want to check it out, I'll be here waiting."

Rafferty nodded her head. "I won't be long. I'll radio you if I find anything."

She took out a small flashlight from her pocket and began to follow the blood trail. Some of them were small drops; others were larger, which made Rafferty think that the person who was walking had paused at one spot for some time before continuing.

When she rounded a corner, near the parking lot of the bar, the first thing she noticed was a very beat up looking car, and a payphone. The second thing she noticed, was a blonde haired woman, face down on the ground.

She could feel her heart beat fast as she rushed over to the woman, while calling to Chout for assistance. It was only when she got closer to the other victim did she realize that it wasn't just any bystander. It was Leslie Shay.

"Chout," Rafferty said over the radio. "The second victim…it's paramedic Leslie Shay. Get your ass over here, now."

Rafferty gently turned Shay over. She opened her eyelids and shined a light at them. _'Unresponsive. Damnit.'_ She thought. She quickly unzipped Shay's jacket and lifted up her shirt to examine the wound. She could almost hear Shay's voice in her head making some lesbian joke about her 'feeling' Shay up.

When Chout arrived with the supplies, Rafferty said, "Pulse is weak and thready. Her abdomen is distended. She is bleeding internally. Bullet is still in her. Start a line."

While they both quickly worked on Shay, the only thing Rafferty was thinking was, '_Don't you die on me, Leslie. Don't you dare die on me.'_

* * *

SEVERIDE paced up and down the hospital waiting room. The last update he received from the doctor did not look good. It was now 7:00am, and Shay had been in surgery for almost three hours.

Rafferty, who had just finished her shift, approached Severide with two cups of coffee in her hands and gave one to him. He looked distraught, shaken even—like he had been crying.

"Thank you," Severide said as he took the cup, and Rafferty only nodded. She was still wearing her paramedic clothes that had a mix of Shay and Devon's blood on them.

"Any update?" Rafferty asked.

"They are saying it doesn't look good," Severide said, and the way his face contorted when he said those words showed Rafferty how deeply this man cared for Shay.

"I don't even know what Shay was doing there in the first place. Do you know what happened?" He asked. "They won't tell me anything. "

"We responded to a call. Drive-by shooting. Possible victim. When we got there, we found a woman, just outside the bar, dead on arrival. Then I saw Shay by the parking lot."

"There was another victim?" Severide asked, to which Rafferty nodded.

"Chout pulled a driver's license. Her name was Devon."

Severide swallowed hard. "Thanks for telling me."

Rafferty nodded her head as she looked around the empty waiting room. "Does Dawson know?"

Severide's eyes widened. He had completely forgotten to call anyone.

Rafferty put a comforting hand on Severide's shoulder. "You make the calls. I need to stop back at the Station. I'll come back and check on Shay later."

Severide nodded his head. "Thank you, Allison. I really mean it."

Rafferty left the room just as Severide pulled out his cellphone. It took a couple of rings, but finally someone picked up.

"Hello?" It was Casey.

"Casey, it's Severide. Is Dawson there?"

"She's in the shower," Casey answered. "Why? You need her for something."

Severide explained the situation to Casey, who promised he would tell Dawson right away.

"Do you need me to call Chief?" Casey asked once Severide had finished explaining the situation.

"No. I'll call him. Thanks." And with that, he hung up the phone.

* * *

"THERE'S nothing like a nice, warm shower to start the day," Dawson said as she entered the living room, only to see Casey sitting on the couch with a concerned look on his face.

"Have a seat," Casey said, and Dawson could feel her heart skip a beat.

"Is everything all right?" Dawson asked once she sat across from him. She had seen that look on his face before. It was the same look he had when she told him she wanted to be a firefighter. "Did my placement not go through?"

Casey shook his head. "It has nothing to do with you being a firefighter." He paused before he said; "There was a drive by shooting last night."

"Antonio?" Dawson said, but Casey shook his head again, which had alleviated her concern for her brother.

"Leslie."

Dawson's face fell.

"It doesn't look good," Casey continued. "Devon was pronounced dead on scene."

Dawson got up from the couch. "What hospital?"

"Lakeshore,"—He grabbed her hand as she walked by him—"Gabby, Kelly is already there. He is going to keep us updated."

"I don't care. I'm going to see Shay." She pulled her hand out from his grasp. "I have to see Shay."

* * *

CHIEF Boden entered the meeting room before Shift started with a solemn look on his face. He watched as everyone was talking to each other, laughing, and having a good time before he would break the news to them.

"Can I have everyone's attention," Boden began which caused everyone to promptly shut up and turn to face him. "I have some news this morning that will require us to unite as a family, now more than ever."

Everyone exchanged confused glances, as Boden continued. "Last night there was a drive-by shooting resulting in a casualty and leaving one of our own, Leslie Shay, in critical condition."

"How critical?" Mouch asked.

"From what Severide told me, the prognosis is not good."

The room fell silent.

"Severide and Dawson will not be coming in today. I have already got a replacement for Dawson and Shay's shift. Casey will be coming in shortly."

Boden turned over to Squad 3. "With Severide gone, Capp will be taking the lead today. I'll keep you all updated when I receive a status report. You are all dismissed."


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

DAWSON sat beside Severide in the waiting room with her hands clasped together praying to any God for a miracle.

Antonio and Erin Lindsay had stopped by to offer support. Lindsay had told Severide that they have a pretty good idea of what gang members were involved in the shooting from security cameras, and that their Unit would personally bring them down for justice for both Devon and Shay.

Dawson was still hoping this was all some terrible dream, and wondered what cruel world that she lived in where good dreams never came true, but nightmares always did.

Severide abruptly got up from his seat, and with frustration in his voice asked, "What's taking so long?"

Dawson didn't have an answer, but she trusted the doctors here and Shay would never leave without a hell of a fight.

"I'm going to see if I can find someone," Severide said to Dawson, but just before he was about to leave the room another doctor (in his fifties, balding, and short) different from the one Severide had seen earlier, entered the room.

Dawson stood up as the doctor said, " My name is Doctor Chardon. Are you waiting on Leslie Shay?"

"Yes," They both said in unison.

"Is her family here? Parents?"

"No," Severide answered. "How is she?"

"I'm afraid I can't answer that, not without her next of kin or family here."

Severide and Dawson exchanged looks before Dawson said, "We are her family."

Doctor Chardon sighed and reluctantly said, "She is stable for now, but not out of the woods. She went into cardiac arrest while we were operating on her, but we were able to revive her. She's sedated and on a ventilator right now in ICU."

"Can we see her?" Severide asked.

"Ten minutes. That's it."

* * *

SEVERIDE and Dawson both paused before they were going to enter Shay's room. Even from the hall, they could still hear the noise of the monitors that were monitoring Shay's vitals, and the ventilator that was assisting Shay's breathing.

"I don't think I can do this," Dawson said quietly. The tears were already falling from her face.

"I know," Severide said. "But the important thing is she is alive. That's all the matters."

Dawson nodded her head as she wiped the tears away. She was a paramedic. She knew how these things worked, however it still didn't make things any less easy.

Severide grabbed Dawson's hand. "We go in together."

They both took a deep breath and entered the room where Shay was lying motionlessly. Dawson gasped when she saw how pale and fragile her friend looked.

"She's going to be okay," Severide said as he made his way closer to Shay, and Dawson wasn't sure if he was convincing her or himself that what he said was true.

Dawson looked at the monitor, and started to read Shay's vitals. They weren't the best, but they were better than nothing.

"I'm expecting Shay to say an inappropriate joke," Severide said as he held his best friend's hand that was cold to the touch. "She always says something inappropriate whenever she gets hurt."

Dawson half laughed, remembering Shay telling her it wasn't too late to switch teams after they both got hit by a truck in the back of the ambo.

As Dawson walked to the other side of Shay she said, "I think everyone expects Shay to make an inappropriate joke. That's just what Shay does."

Severide half smiled. "I think we should make an inappropriate joke on her behalf, but I've got nothing."

Before Dawson could say anything, Dr. Chardon came back into the room. "You have five minutes, then you have to leave."

As Dr. Chardon left without another word, Severide said, "What an ass."

Dawson looked down at Shay. "Girl, if you are faking this because you think you have some hot female doctor checking you out, I want you to know it's a fifty year old man."

"Who is an ass," Severide added.

"Exactly. So if you can hear us, hurry up and get better for both of our sakes. We love you, and need you."

Severide kissed Shay's hand before adding, "That we do."

* * *

FIREHOUSE 51 had been quiet for most of the day. It was always hard waiting on news for one of their own, and even though they all had Shay in their thoughts, there was always that unsettling fear of what if their thoughts were not enough.

Dawson and Severide entered the common room where everyone was sitting, but no one, not even Casey, had noticed they had come in.

"Guys," Severide said, which caused everyone to look up. They were shocked to see Severide and Dawson, and even Chief Boden had come out of his office.

"Do you have any news?" Casey asked as he approached Dawson.

"Shay's stable for now, but not out of the woods," Severide began. "They had to revive her once already."

"But they are hopeful that if she makes it through the next 24 hours, she will make a full recovery."

"We are all rallying for Shay," Chief Boden said.

"Any word on who did this?" Mills asked.

"From what Antonio and Erin said, it looks like a gang war. Shay was just at the wrong place, at the wrong time," Severide answered.

Cruz shook his head knowing full well how out of control the gangs have become in the city. It was at this time that he was grateful his brother was far away from any gangs.

"Chief mentioned a casualty," Cruz said. "Do you know who died?"

Dawson took a deep breath before she said, "Devon."

"Oh man," Otis said.

"That's gotta be tough," Herrmann added.

"Have you contacted her parents?" Casey asked.

Severide nodded his head. "Her mother may be coming down, but I'm not sure."

"The whole house is rooting for Shay," Mouch said.

Severide gave everyone an appreciative smile. "That's good, because right now the only focus is for Shay to get better."


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

IT took Shay four days before she was somewhat recovered from the incident. She had been in and out of consciousness for the most part, but she was aware of certain things. She was aware that her family at 51 had visited her, that was evident by the flowers, cards and get well balloons that had decorated her room. She was aware that, for the most part, Severide had barely left her side, and that Dawson had come by to visit more times than probably necessary, considering she was unconscious for most, if not, all of the visit. She could also swear that she had seen Rafferty looking over her, but that could have been a mix of the painkillers and something she had hallucinated.

"Hey Chika," Dawson said as she entered Shay's hospital room holding a bag, which caused Severide to turn around to face Dawson, and Shay to smile.

"Hey," Shay said happily while noticing Dawson was not wearing her work uniform. "You're not working?"

"Day off," Dawson responded.

"So you're spending it with me?" Shay looked at Severide. "See Kelly, what did I tell you. What me and Dawson have is true love."

"You're such a dork," Severide responded as he got up to give his seat to Dawson. "Anyway, I'll leave you two alone. I have some errands to run. I'll come by later, okay?"

Once Severide was gone, Dawson pulled out a container of pasta and placed it in front of Shay.

"No way, you made me Grandma Dawson's famous macaroni and cheese?"

"Damn right I did. Only the best for the love of my life," Dawson joked. "And besides, I knew you probably wanted something other than hospital food."

Shay took some of the pasta and savored the taste. "Mmhm. This is so good."

"Glad you're enjoying it," Dawson said. "How are you feeling?"

"Better. Still a little sore, but definitely better."

"That's good. I guess I don't have to remind you how worried I was about you."

Shay smiled as she grabbed Dawson's hand and squeezed it tightly. "You can't get rid of me that easily."

Dawson laughed. "I don't want to get rid of you. Ever."

Shay looked at Dawson, her face taking on a more serious tone. "I need to ask you something Dawson. I've tried asking Kelly, but he just—he gives me the run around, or avoids answering me completely. The night is a little fuzzy for me. I can only recall bits and pieces."

"What do you remember?" Dawson asked.

"I remember looking for Devon and finding her. We talked. I kissed her…the last thing I remember is her screaming my name, and I guess passing out. The rest is all a blur."

Dawson nodded her head. Severide had told her he would tell Shay about Devon, but she wasn't sure if she should tell Shay exactly what happened after she had been shot. She wasn't sure if she should tell Shay that after she had passed out, she had briefly regained consciousness and made her way to a payphone to call for help.

Shay sighed sadly. "In spite of everything, I kind of wanted to try and work things out with Devon. And I can't believe I foolishly believed her when she told me she actually cared about me. I know I am sounding childish and selfish, but you would think she would at least come and visit me."

Dawson was taken aback, and it was evident on her face. She couldn't believe Severide had lied to Shay like that.

"What?" Shay asked, noticing Dawson's look on her face.

"That's what Severide told you?" She asked, to which Shay nodded.

"Yeah. Why?"

Dawson cleared her throat, which caused Shay to become more suspicious.

"Dawson, if you know something, you gotta tell me. All Severide told me was that I probably wouldn't be seeing Devon again, and he left it at that. I don't want to be jerked around. I already feel like a complete dupe with Devon."

Dawson debated whether she should tell her friend the truth and face Severide's wrath, or just go on with Severide's lie. But in the end she realized the truth always comes out, and she didn't want to be the one who lied to Shay.

"Les, Devon died the night of the shooting. She was pronounced dead on scene."

Shay's face went pale and she could feel the tears building up in her eyes.

"I'm sorry Shay," Dawson said as she watched tears roll down her best-friend's cheeks. "I'm so sorry."

* * *

"YOU told her?" Severide said once he entered the locker room of 51 and saw Dawson getting ready.

Dawson had mentally prepared herself for this since she had told Shay the truth they other day. "She deserved to know, Kelly. She thought Devon flat out left her again by choice. She had to know that wasn't true."

"She's still recovering," Severide said. "She doesn't need this on her plate right now."

Dawson closed her locker. "Severide, I get that you care for, and love Shay. I do too. She asked me a question. I told her the truth. She has been through enough, and that is the least she deserves."

Without saying another word, Dawson walked by Severide.

* * *

RAFFERTY entered Shay's hospital room holding a bouquet of lilies. Part of her hoped Shay was still in and out of consciousness, but as she entered the room she had seen that Shay was very much awake, but looked as if her mind was elsewhere.

Rafferty slowly made her way into the room, which caused Shay to look over and with a confused look on her face she said, "Rafferty?"

"Hey," Rafferty said a bit apprehensively as she stopped walking closer to Shay. "How are you feeling?"

Shay wasn't sure how she was feeling, but she was alive, and that was all that mattered, right?

"You can come in you know. I won't bite," Shay said, avoiding Rafferty's question.

Rafferty laughed nervously as she approached Shay. "I got these for you." She handed Shay the bouquet of lilies.

"Lilies," Shay said as she looked down at the beautiful flower arrangement, and then back up at Rafferty.

"What, do you not like lilies?" There was a little bit of panic in Rafferty's voice.

"No, they're beautiful," Shay assured, but Rafferty still wasn't convinced.

"What is it then?" Rafferty asked with the same tone of voice Shay had come to appreciate during their time teasing each other and working together.

"Nothing, honestly. I really like them. Thank you." Shay decided it was best not to mention the reference to the lesbian movie, '_Imagine Me and You'_ about lilies meaning '_I dare you to love me._' That would be some other time if she ever crossed paths with Rafferty again. Which brought up the question, '_Why was Rafferty even here to begin with?'_

"Not that I don't appreciate the company," Shay began to say. "But um, how did you even know I was in the hospital? Did Severide or Dawson tell you?"

Rafferty, who was now sitting in the chair, shook her head. "I was on shift when we got a call there had been a drive by shooting." Her voice got quieter, "I was the first on scene."

"Oh." Was all Shay could manage to say, and Rafferty knew something wasn't right as she noticed Shay's heart monitor had fluctuated slightly.

"Are you okay?" Rafferty asked.

Shay forced a smile, even though her mind went back to Devon. "I'm fine."


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

SHAY was about to be released from the hospital within the next two days, and a part of her was relieved to be leaving this place. She had already spent enough time in the hospital in the past two years than she cared to, and she made a mental note to make joke on her way out about getting a punch card, with her tenth visit free.

But before she left, she had some unfinished business to attend to. She was finally able to walk longer distances without the stiches and tenderness in her abdomen bothering her, and she used that time to make her way to the morgue. She wasn't sure how far she would get, but there were some things in life that just had to be done, and this was one of them.

As she approached the counter, she could already see that the man working there was giving her a suspicious look. Not that she could blame him. After all, she was wearing a hospital gown, pajama bottoms and slippers. Before she could even say anything, the man asked, "Are you lost, Miss?"

Shay shook her head. "No. Actually, I was wondering if you could help me." She could see that she had the worker's full attention. "About a week ago, there was a drive-by shooting. On of the victims didn't make it, and I was wondering if she was brought here."

"And what is your relation with this woman?" The worker asked.

Shay wasn't exactly sure herself what they were, but it had to be something if she was willing to give it another shot. After a moment she answered, "She was my girlfriend."

The man's expression changed and became softer and sympathetic. "I'm sorry for your loss."

Shay nodded her head. "Thank you."

"What was your girlfriend's name?"

"Devon. Devon Park." Shay watched as the man typed Devon's name into the system. There was a high chance that Devon was not even at this hospital, or that her family had already claimed her body. Deep down, she was kind of hoping either situation was true.

"Ah yes," The man finally said. "Devon Park was brought here. They finished her autopsy two days ago."

"Thanks," Was all she managed to say as she turned away from the counter to head back to her room.

The man called out after her. "She's still here if you want to see her."

This caused Shay to immediately freeze. Her heart began to beat fast, and her stomach felt like it had dropped ten thousand feet, which did no good for her recovering wound, that was now pinching her.

She turned around slowly. She wasn't sure if she was ready to see Devon.

"It's up to you," The man said. "But, you should know she is going to be cremated tonight."

Shay could feel a lump forming in her throat. "Um, what's going to happen to her ashes?"

The man shrugged. "We contacted her family. Her mother wants nothing to do with her, and her father—well, when we did finally get a hold of him, he told us to ship her ashes to him."

All Shay could do was nod, as the man continued to talk, "I know it's scary, daunting even. But I've worked here a long time. Sometimes this is the only chance a person gets to say goodbye."

Shay swallowed. The only problem was she wasn't ready to say goodbye.

* * *

THE morgue was colder than Shay had originally thought, but the man, whose name was Michael, had lent her an extra sweater to put on before going in.

Shay watched as Michael found the morgue cabinet that belonged to Devon, and he quickly exchanged a look before he slowly and carefully pulled it open.

Shay's heart was beating faster now, and even though the body was covered with a white sheet, underneath it was still Devon. A part of her wanted to yell, '_Stop! I can't do this!'_ and run out of the morgue and never look back. But her mouth never opened, and her feet never moved from where she was standing.

"I'll give you some time alone," Michael said. "If you need me, I'll be out front."

Shay nodded her head as she watched Michael leave. It was only then did she turn her attention back to the white sheet.

Her steps were small and apprehensive. She was trembling, but she wasn't sure if that was from the coldness of the room, or her anxiety over the situation she had gotten herself into.

She reached her trembling hand, just slightly over the white sheet, contemplating whether or not she should actually do this. To her, this was like a Band-Aid she was waiting to rip off, because that was always the worst part. Taking a deep breath, and closing her eyes, she grabbed the sheet and pulled it down.

When she finally opened her eyes, she saw a familiar look, one she had stared at many mornings when she would wake up before Devon. But she knew Devon wasn't sleeping. Her body was stitched back up from the y-incision of the autopsy, and Shay could see where the bullet had entered Devon. She was practically blue, and her nose ring was gone. There was a large gash steaming from Devon's forehead to the side of her skull, probably form when she had dropped to the concrete, and Shay wondered why she couldn't remember any details after she had been shot. From what Dawson had eventually told her, she had regained consciousness enough to make it to a payphone, because her cellphone had broke during the shooting. Was what happened that night so traumatic that her brain was protecting her from something?

She hadn't even noticed that she had been crying as she looked at Devon. She wished more than anything she could remember. Why couldn't she remember?


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6**

WHEN Shay returned to the Firehouse for her first shift back, she was greeted with applause and hugs from all the people who had wished her well. Even Pouch, who was wagging her tail happily and placing her paws on Shay's legs, was happy to see her.

Shay cleared her throat and offered a big smile to her family. "Wow, you guys really know how to make a gal feel loved."

Dawson, who was still working as a paramedic until the issue with her candidacy placement was resolved, put a loving arm around Shay. Shay had been gone for almost a month, and in that time Dawson had worked with substitute paramedics. Most of the paramedics were friendly, but they weren't Shay. She had once told Shay that Shay would be fine without her, but now Dawson wasn't sure if she would be fine without Shay.

"I have missed you so much," Dawson finally said. "Ambo 61 just isn't the same without you."

Shay quickly glanced over at Casey, before jokingly whispering into Dawson's ear, "You're making your boyfriend jealous."

Dawson chuckled and gently nudged Shay's arm. "Come on. I bet you missed doing inventory."

As the two of them headed toward the apparatus bay, Allister, made his way toward Cruz and Otis who were standing in the kitchen.

"Those two seem really close," Allister commented, which received dual nods from Otis and Cruz.

"They've been friends for a very long time," Cruz responded.

"The last house I was at, the people were nice, but everyone just sort of worked together," Allister began to say. "The firemen were more familial, I guess because of the danger of the job—but the paramedics, they just worked together. Friendly; but not close."

"Those two are close," Otis said. "You definitely don't want to mess with Shawson."

Allister gave Cruz a confused look. "Shawson?"

"Shay and Dawson," Otis answered, but he could still see the confused look on Allister's face. "Their last names combined into one…Shawson."

"It's a thing people do. Otis and I have even named our apartment the 'Crotis Pad."

Allister could only nod his head. He was new after all and there were some things that he was better off not knowing.

"Anyway," Allister said, changing the topic of names being merged into one. "They are both very attractive. I wouldn't mind asking either of them out on a date to get to know them. Do you know if they are single? I know Mills told me he dated Dawson for bit—do you know if they date people in this house?"

"I would stop right there," Cruz said. "Dawson and Casey are together."

Allister quickly glanced over at Casey, who was having a conversation with Mills, Herrmann and Mouch. At first glance he would have never guessed Dawson and Casey were involved, but now that he thought about it, it did kind of make sense. They were always together, and maybe a little too friendly. Even though Dawson was attractive, he wasn't too cut up about her being taken, as he mostly had eyes for the blonde paramedic.

"Fair enough," Allister responded. "I respect relationships."

"There really isn't too much of a dating pool at this house," Otis answered.

Allister looked around the room. Aside from the house being all men, they did have a point. However some of the men were already involved in their own relationships outside of work, or were simply too old to be involved with the other hot female paramedic. Allister looked back at Cruz and Otis. He would never say it to their faces, but they were way out of Shay's league, and he couldn't imagine that Shay would ever be interested in either of them. He had a belief that beautiful people belonged with beautiful people.

"What about Shay?" Allister finally asked, and he noticed that Cruz and Otis exchanged a knowing look. It was only then that he remembered that Shay and Severide lived together, and putting two and two together it seemed pretty obvious to him now. After all, it was his own motto that beautiful people belonged with beautiful people.

Even still, he had to ask. "Are Severide and Shay a couple?"

Otis and Cruz both stifled in a laugh as they shook their heads.

"No, Shay's single. And her and Severide are definitely not a couple, but they are really close—almost like brother and sister," Cruz said.

Allister's posture straightened. He thought himself to be an extremely attractive guy. He was just over six feet, with a prominent jaw line. His hazel eyes complemented his skin tone, and he took care of his body that was predominately all muscle. And Shay, well Shay was very beautiful. She had a fair complexion and her blue eyes were out of this world. There was no way Shay would resist going on a date with him of all people.

"You guys think she'll go on a date with me?"

Cruz had to cover his mouth to avoid laughing, while Otis broke the news to him. "You're not Shay's type."

Allister was just about to say something, but was interrupted by the alarm bells that rang over the intercom for a house fire.

* * *

AFTER Shay and Dawson dropped off the house fire victim at Chicago U, who thankfully only suffered minor burns and a little bit of smoke inhalation, they decided to take their time heading back to 51, and detour near the Chicago Riverwalk, which was Shay's favourite place in all of Chicago.

Dawson was glad to have Shay back in the Ambo. Even with Shay on a medical leave, on their first call back together it was so effortless. It was like a waltz, each knew what they had to do and what steps to take, and they complemented each other perfectly. With the replacements she had, they were fumbling all over each other and butting heads.

Dawson sighed sadly as she looked out the window of the passenger side. "I'm going to miss this."

Shay briefly glanced at Dawson. "Me too. I have a feeling Winebate won't appreciate my road trips as much as you do."

"He's a fool if he doesn't," Dawson said. "I just can't believe I'll be leaving 51 soon."

"I know. But you know, like you said before, it is not like we will be leaving each other's lives. I'll have the picture of you that you taped above my steering wheel so I don't forget you. And I'll send you inappropriate texts randomly throughout the day with underlying sexual innuendo, just so you don't forget me."

Dawson laughed. "How is that whenever I am feeling sorry for myself, you are the only one that can cheer me up?"

"It's a gift, Dawson," Shay answered back with a chuckle. "And with great power comes great responsibility."

Dawson rolled her eyes while laughing. "Just use your powers for good, okay?"

Shay was quiet for a moment, and then finally responded with a simple, "No." Which caused the both of them to break out in laughter.

* * *

_THE bedroom window was cracked slightly, allowing the night breeze to enter her room and cool it down. The moon and the streetlights had given her room some luminance, and as she lay in her bed, with covers strewn around, she watched as the breeze gently swayed her blinds back and forth. _

_ She turned over in her bed to face the naked back of a woman, whose long brown hair had fallen to the side. Shay gently placed her hand on the woman's shoulder and caressed it softly as she moved closer. Her lips found a place on the woman's back shoulder bone, and began kissing every inch of that area until she reached the back of her neck. _

_Shay moved a lock of hair that was resting on the woman's neck, just as the woman began to stir awake. Shay was anticipating for their lips to meet, and she wanted so badly for their lips to meet. _

_Instead, when the woman turned over, Shay recoiled in horror as her eyes widened. Lying next to her was Devon, and there was blood dripping from her forehead. Devon's mouth opened as if to say something, but the only thing that came out was more blood that trailed down the corner of her mouth. _

_Shay quickly tried to untangle herself from her sheets to get help, but they too were now soaked in blood. Devon's mouth kept moving as if she were trying to talk, but the only sounds coming from her was a gurgling noise as her lungs filled with blood…_

* * *

SHAY awoke with a start as she quickly sat up in bed. She looked frantically around her empty room. There was no one in bed next to her. Her sheets were not soaked in blood, and other from the noise of the breeze moving her blinds back and forth, there was no awful gurgling sound.

She tried to convince herself that what she had was just a terrible nightmare. But her heart was racing, and she had broken out in a cold sweat.

Getting out of bed, she shut her window and made her way to the bathroom quietly so as to not wake up Severide. Once she flicked on the light, she rinsed her face with water, hoping that would help clear her mind of the horrible nightmare she just had. She leaned forward against the bathroom sink, closing her eyes for just a moment, and then quickly opening them again as images from her dream remained clear and vivid.


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N:** Thank you to those who follow and review this story. Like I said, I hope I am writing something worth reading, and I appreciate those who do. I decided I would write about Shay's family, or at least her mother, because we haven't really seen her family on the show, in comparison to the other leads. If I were to cast Shay's mother, I would cast Gail O'Grady, so if you need to picture anyone for Shay's mother—picture her (I also took some creative liberties with her family, since we know nothing about them). Does that make me weird? Whatever. Hopefully you continue to enjoy the story._

* * *

**CHAPTER 7**

SHAY leaned against the ambulance, allowing herself to close her eyes for a minute or two. 61 had just come back after responding to a call concerning a 60 year old man with chest pains. The man had coded twice on his way to the hospital, and both times they were lucky to bring him back.

The call made her think about her latest brush with death. The doctors had told her that she had gone into cardiac arrest while they were operating on her, which meant her heart had stopped beating for at least two minutes before the doctors were able to bring her back. Her medical training had logically broken down the reasons on why that could have happened. Blood loss causes the heart to beat faster to compensate for lack of red blood cells to carry oxygen, and along with the trauma sustained from the bullet, could have exerted her heart to the point where it just stopped beating. That made sense to her, but it didn't make it any less easy to digest the information.

"Tough call?" Mills asked, which caused Shay to open her eyes. She hadn't even heard anyone come near the trucks.

"It was a close call," Shay answered back. "But we were able to stabilize him before he arrived at the hospital."

"I see. Anyways, my Mom and sister brought over some brunch food for the house. It's in the kitchen if you're hungry."

Shay gave Mills a small smile. "Thanks."

Mills smiled back. "No problem."

Shay watched as Mills made his way to inform some of the other guys that were standing outside on the free brunch before she turned to head toward the kitchen. She had barely slept the night before, and it was really starting to hit her. Maybe she would grab herself a plate of the Mills' infamous brunch food, hoping that and along with some coffee would help her get through her shift that was far from over.

* * *

SEVERIDE came home in the late afternoon after only working half of a shift due to cutbacks. While McLeod was unsuccessful in shutting down 51, her overtime policy had stuck to save money. Overtime was now only to be allowed when absolutely necessary, and those who had worked the maximum amount of hours in the week to be considered for overtime would have their shifts replaced by firefighters who were floating around after McLeod had shut down their houses.

Severide had reached his max hours halfway through his shift, and another Lieutenant replaced him for the rest of it. He didn't mind too much. He had the afternoon to run errands that he normally would have not been able to finish. He was pretty proud of himself that he got done most of the things he wanted to do. Now, he had the rest of the afternoon to relax.

He made his way to the fridge and pulled out a beer. He was just about to open it when he heard a knock on the front door. Placing the beer back in the fridge, he made his way to the front door and opened it only to be greeted by an older woman, in her mid fifties, who looked familiar, yet unfamiliar at the same time.

"You must be Kelly Severide," The woman said with a warm smile as she extended her hand.

Severide shook her hand, confused as to who exactly this woman was, why she was here, and how she knew him. "Hi," He managed to finally say. "Do I know you?"

The woman laughed. "Oh, I am so sorry. I forgot to introduce myself. I am Elaine. Leslie's mother."

Severide was slightly taken aback, but now knew why she had looked so familiar. Shay had never really talked about her parents, so he had only known them by name and not by appearance.

"I'm so sorry, Shay never told me you were coming down," Severide finally said.

"I never told Leslie I was coming down. This is kind of a surprise; otherwise she would have found a way to talk me out of it. I was just wondering if she was home?"

"She's still on shift," Severide said, and it was then that he noticed the suitcase that was off to the side. "Why don't you come in? Get yourself settled in and unpack?"

"Oh, I am not staying here. I didn't come to impose. I am going to check into a hotel later."

"Don't be ridiculous. My father has stayed over when he comes and visits. We have plenty of room. Please, I insist."

Elaine contemplated his offer. "Well, if you insist. I would have had to wait for a cab anyway."

Severide stepped aside and allowed Elaine to enter. Once she was inside he shut the door.

"This is a very nice place," Elaine commented as she looked around. "How'd you manage to get this place?"

"Leslie actually got it. The real estate agent she had was very good, and she was able to secure it for Shay last minute," Severide answered, leaving out the part where Shay had actually slept with the real-estate agent.

Elaine just nodded her head.

"Anyway, we have two guest bedrooms, one upstairs and one down here. The one down here belonged to an old roommate of ours, Otis. So, I can show you the one upstairs if you would like, so you can get settled in and unpack?"

"I would appreciate that very much, Kelly. Thank you."

* * *

WHEN Shay finally arrived home from her shift, the first thing she smelt when she came through the door was food cooking. This kind of surprised Shay, considering there were only a handful of times she could recall Severide actually cooking a meal that did not involve a barbeque, or a frozen dinner.

As she made her way toward the kitchen, she realized that Severide was sitting at the kitchen table talking to someone, and that maybe he had a guest over.

Severide looked over at Shay and smiled. "Hey, you're home. Hope you don't mind we have parental company."

Shay shook her head; Benny was always welcome to stay at their place whenever he wanted to visit Severide.

As Shay began to round the corner she said, "Hey, Benny! It's good to see you again—" Only to cut herself off once she realized that the person cooking dinner in the kitchen was not Severide's father. "—Mom?"

"Hey honey," Elaine said as she quickly stirred the pot before making her way toward her daughter and giving her a hug.

Once they separated from the hug, Shay asked, "What are you doing here?"

"I came to check up on you," Elaine said.

"You didn't have to come all the way from Tacoma to check up on me," Shay answered. "I'm fine."

"I know you're fine now, and I know if I told you I was coming down you would have found an excuse for me not to come," Elaine began to say, which Shay half-admitted to herself was probably true. "Your father may be okay with a Skype Chat to see that you are fine, but I needed to see you. Kelly offered me the guest bedroom, but if you don't want me here, I can always stay at a hotel."

"No, Mom. I want you to stay here, but I wish you would have told me so I could have changed my work schedule."

"I don't mind that you are working, Leslie. The doctors scared me when they called. I just need to see you. That's all."

"I understand," Shay said. "And I am glad you are here."

Elaine smiled. "Good. Because I am making one of your favourite meals, so I hope you are hungry."


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER 8**

"THIS is where you work?" Elaine asked upon arriving at Firehouse 51 the next morning.

"Yep," Shay said as she parked her car. "Did you picture it differently?"

"A little bit," Elaine said as she got out of the car and followed her daughter up the driveway. "But it is very nice." She looked around at the open apparatus bay where the trucks were, and her eyes fell onto the Ambulance.

She pointed to the ambulance. "Is Ambulance 61 your truck?"

"Mm-hm. Come on, I'll show you." Shay led her mother toward the back of the ambulance, and smiled when she saw Dawson entering the apparatus bay.

"Dawson, just the woman I wanted to see," Shay said as she stopped abruptly.

"Shay, I am the only woman here," Dawson responded back jokingly. She didn't even notice the woman standing behind Shay, until Shay stepped aside.

"I want you to meet my mother. Mom, this is Gabriela Dawson, my PIC, work-wife, and best friend. Dawson, this is my mother, Elaine."

Elaine extended her hand and Dawson shook it. "I've heard so much great things about you, Gabriela. It is so nice to finally meet you."

"Same," Dawson said. "Though Shay never told me you were coming down."

"It was a surprise visit," Elaine explained. "I am only here for the week, and then I head back to Washington."

"After shift, I am going to take her to some of my favourite places. Show her around a bit," Shay said.

Shay looked at Dawson. "I'm going to show her around the house quickly and introduce her to some of the guys."

"Sure," Dawson said, and then she turned to look at Elaine. "Enjoy your stay here. Chicago is a great city, and this is one of the best houses in the city."

"I will. Thank you, Gabriela."

* * *

AFTER Shay's mom had left to explore the city, Shay made her way back to the ambulance where Dawson had already begun the supply check.

It was only when Shay climbed into the back of the ambulance had Dawson realized how tired Shay looked, as if she didn't sleep at all.

"Long night?" Dawson finally commented after Shay had yawned.

Shay nodded her head. "I think I stayed up a little too late last night talking with my mom. I guess sometimes you forget how much you miss someone until you actually see them again."

"She seems really nice," Dawson commented.

"Yeah, she's great. The guys really liked her."

"Can you blame them?" Dawson asked, which warranted a look from Shay.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Your mom isn't exactly un-attractive."

Shay's expression changed as she remembered what Severide had told her about her mother. "Severide did say she was 'hot'…and my mom did say Severide was good looking." She paused before she asked, "Should I be worried?"

Dawson almost choked on air as both of them now had a visual in their head that none of them wanted.

"God Damnit, Shay," Dawson said. "You had to go there?"

Shay began to rationalize. "No. I mean, I don't think they would. I think she's too old for him, and she is my mother—so…"

Dawson got up from the gurney she was sitting on. "I can't believe we are having this conversation."

As Dawson jumped out of the back of the ambo, Shay yelled out, "You can't believe it? She's my mother!"

* * *

THE shift ended quickly, with not too many serious calls. The most difficult one was a small grease fire that was taken care of by a fire extinguisher and little bit of Lake Michigan, before any serious damage to the building had occurred.

By the time Shay arrived home, she saw her mother and Severide talking on the couch, looking through picture albums. She had heard Severide talk about his ex-fiancée, and saw her mother put a comforting hand on Severide's shoulder. Normally, she wouldn't be unsettled about this. Her mother had always been very motherly toward other people. It was one of the traits she had most admired about her mother. However, after the conversation she had with Dawson in the morning, her mind couldn't distinguish if her mother was being comforting or affectionate.

Shay cleared her throat, which caused the both of them to look up.

"Hey, Shay. Didn't even hear you get in," Severide said as he watched his friend make her way to the couch.

"How was work?" Elaine asked.

"It was good," Shay said as she sat next to her mother and looked at the picture albums.

"Kelly was just showing me some of his pictures. We even pulled out your photo album."

Shay didn't mind that her mother was looking through her old pictures. Most of the pictures in her album were of 51 and Clarice.

Her mother sighed sadly as she looked at a picture of Shay and Clarice together. Shay remembered that photo. They had been together for over two years in that one.

"Shame about Clarice, I liked her," Elaine said, and normally Shay would have felt sorry for herself for the double failed attempt at having Clarice back, but Clarice had made her choice. She had done what was best for her family, and even though Shay wanted to be a part of that, she realized she was probably better off without Clarice in her life.

Elaine continued to flip through the pictures, and the three of them had laughed at some old memories and stories that went along with each picture. There was one picture in particular, a personal favourite of both Severide and Shay's, at an annual CF barbeque where Otis, who had been the new candidate at 51 at that time, was forced to wear one of those fake plastic firemen helmets ever. Herrmann, Capp and Cruz decided to decorate it by using industrial glue and gluing on toy fire trucks and firemen to the front and side of the helmet. It was the most ridiculous hats ever, but everyone, even Otis, had gotten a kick out of it.

"I wonder if Otis still has that," Severide said. "I should ask him tomorrow."

Shay nodded her head in agreement, as her mother flipped the page to the last one in the scrapbook.

"Who is this?" Elaine asked as she looked at a series of various photos of her daughter with a woman she did not recognize. Most of the pictures were goofy, and it looked like it had been taken at an outdoor picnic. Other pictures looked as if they were professionally and beautifully done, like the one of Shay at the gas station pumping gas into the green truck with a white roof. There was another picture, where it looked like the camera had been set on a timer, and their backs were facing the camera as they had their arms wrapped around each other's shoulder walking towards the sunset on a grassy hill. The last picture was of them, on the same hill, kissing, as if the other woman had spontaneously snapped the photo with her free hand.

Shay looked down at the pictures her mom was looking at, and she could feel the colour drain from her face. She had totally forgotten about the pictures she and Devon had taken on their spontaneous picnic day. She remembered Devon mentioning that she would place them in the album once she had developed them, but she had never got around to asking her if she did, especially after the time she had left with all her and her roommates things to post bail for her father.

Something came over Shay and she ripped the album out of her mother's hands and closed it tight as she said, "It's nothing okay. Just drop it." Which surprised both her mother and Severide.

"Shay," Severide said as he watched his friend quickly get up from the couch and make her way upstairs with the album. Shay didn't bother to turn back, but they could hear her slam her bedroom door shut.

Elaine looked back at Severide confused. "What's gotten into her?"

Severide shook his head, not really sure himself.

"Who is that woman?" Elaine asked.

"Devon. An ex of Shay's," Severide answered. "They were dating on and off, I guess. To be honest, I never really liked Devon for Shay, even more so after she stole from us."

"Is that why Otis no longer lives here?" Elaine asked, to which Severide nodded his head.

"But you know Shay. She gives people second chances, even if they are no good for her."

"I get that, but even still, there was no reason for Leslie to storm out like that. That's childish, and I raised her better than that. Does she even know where Devon is now?"

Severide nodded his head. "She died the night of the shooting. I think Shay just needs time to process that."

Elaine sunk her back into the couch, wondering why Leslie had not told her any of this.

* * *

SHAY sat in the corner of her darkened room, with her knees pulled up as she hugged the photo album close to her chest with one hand, while the other hand covered her mouth to muffle her sobs as tears streamed down her face.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** I would like to extend my thanks to those who continue to read/favourite/follow/review this story. I know I am not the best writer, and I hope to, from now on, try and better proof read my story for posting. So thanks again for those who continue to read this. This story, until completed, will be updated every weekend.

* * *

**CHAPTER 9**

BEFORE Shay left for work, she had apologized to her mother for her behavior the night before over a quick cup of coffee.

Elaine, who was first and foremost Shay's mother and worried like any mother would, had asked Shay to open up about Devon. The only thing she knew about the woman was from what Severide had told her—that she was no good, stole from them, a bad influence –nothing that would give Elaine any indication as to why her daughter would give a second chance with a woman like that if she was truly as bad as Severide had painted Devon out to be. However, Shay had kindly told her mother that there was nothing left to say, and if she could just please not bring her up anymore. Of course Elaine wasn't convinced, that was obvious to Shay, but with a sigh, Elaine had agreed to drop it, if only for her daughter's sake.

As Shay made her way into the apparatus bay, she could see Severide approach her from the corner of her eye. When he was finally beside her, he asked, "How're you feeling?"

Shay looked at Severide. "I'm good."

"Really, because you didn't seem 'good' last night, when you freaked out and ripped the picture album out of your mom's hands. " Severide said as he stepped in front of Shay.

Shay sighed, hoping Severide would just drop the subject. "Yeah, I talked to my mom this morning about that. I was just worried that if she flipped the page there would be"—she leaned in a little closer to Severide, as if telling him a secret –"X-rated photos on the next page, if you know what I mean."

Unfortunately, Severide was not Shay's mother, and he was not going to let it go. "That was the last page, Shay."

Shay knew she was caught in her own lie, but quickly scoffed his comment off. With a small laugh she added, "Must have confused albums."

"Leslie," Severide said, and Shay knew he wasn't going to let this go. He never called her by her first name.

"I appreciate your concern Kelly. But I'm fine. Honestly. It was just a mix up."

"You don't look fine. In fact, you look like you haven't slept at all," Severide said, just as Dawson and Casey entered the bay.

Shay's expression changed, the smile she had on her face gone. "Let it go, Kelly. Please." She pushed past him, making her way inside the common area.

Dawson, who had only caught the last part of Shay and Severide's argument, stopped next to Severide, who had just watched Shay storm off.

"What was that about?" Dawson asked.

Severide looked at Dawson. "It's Shay. Do we ever know what it is about with her?"

Before Dawson could answer, Severide made his way to his truck, leaving Casey and Dawson to exchange confused looks.

* * *

ALLISTER was the first to notice Shay make her way into the common room, probably on her way to the locker room to get ready before the start of her shift. He had seen, and been with, a lot of beautiful women in his life. All of them had been arm candy, added to the collection of trophies of women he had slept with. None of them had been relationship material, and he never wanted any of those women to be anything more than a good lay. But there was something different about Shay. She had intrigued him. She was beautiful, and acted like one of the guys at the same time. Of course he would be lying if he said he did not want to sleep with her, but he also wanted to get to know her, and possibly have a relationship with her. That was the first time a woman made him feel like that.

Mills, who was pouring himself a cup of coffee, noticed the way Allister was looking at Shay, and he didn't know whether to laugh or pity the man. He walked over to Allister, once Shay was in the locker room.

"Hey," Mills said as he sat down next to Allister, which caused Allister to snap out of whatever fantasy he was dreaming about in his head.

"Hey," Allister responded back. "What's up?"

"Not much," Mills began to say. "I don't mean to sound weird or anything, but I saw the way you were looking at Shay."

"Are you and Shay a thing?" Allister asked, which caused Mills to laugh.

"No, we are not. I'm not exactly her type," Mills answered, to which Allister nodded. "You're not exactly her type either."

Allister furrowed his brows, remembering that Otis and Cruz had said the exact same thing.

"I just thought you should know," Mills said as he got up from the chair.

Allister didn't say anything back, only because he knew he was every woman's type: strong, tall, and attractive. So he rationed that there must be a reason why the guys at 51 did not want him dating Shay. Maybe they all viewed her as a sister, and were over protective.

If there was one thing Allister was not, it was easily persuaded. He was a go-getter, and whatever he wanted he got. He wanted to get to know Shay and have a romantic relationship with her, and he would be damned if he would be discouraged from this by a couple of words some guys at the house had told him.

* * *

DAWSON made her way into the locker room to see Shay putting away some of her things into her locker. It was only when she got closer to Shay did she see exactly what Severide had referred to earlier about Shay looking like she hadn't slept at all.

"Morning," Shay said with a smile when she saw Dawson.

"Morning," Dawson responded back, placing her bag down on the bench. "How are you?"

"I'm good, and yourself?" Shay responded.

"Can't complain," Dawson said. "I saw you and Severide this morning. Everything okay?"

Shay nodded her head as she put the last remaining things back into her locker. Nonchalantly she said, "It's Severide. Do we ever know if anything is ever okay with him?"

What Shay had said not only gave Dawson a déjà vu feeling of Severide's earlier words, but also an uneasiness in the pit of her stomach.

"I'll meet you in the ambo, okay?"

Dawson nodded her head as Shay closed her locker shut and began to head out of the locker room.

* * *

THE morning had been slow. Ambulance 61 had a call that was cancelled halfway on route by dispatch, which disappointed both Shay and Dawson. Quiet days were nice, but sometimes they needed the action of a call, especially when the last couple of days had been slower than most.

Back at the House, the guys were either eating lunch, watching TV, or playing card games to fill the time after they had gone over the equipment and run practice drills.

Dawson decided this down time would be a good time to start some laundry that she had fallen behind on while training to be a firefighter. As she was making her way to the locker room, to grab her clothes, she passed by the bunk area, and noticed Shay was sleeping on one of the beds. In all her time of working with Shay, she could only remember two times Shay had slept on her bunk, and both times were when they had to work a 24 hour shift. Never had she seen her sleep on a 12-hour shift.

She walked closer to Shay, and noticed that Shay's face looked pained, as if she was having a terrible dream that she couldn't wake up from. A part of Dawson wanted to wake Shay up, while the other part knew it was probably best for Shay to catch some sleep, considering how tired she had looked this morning. Still though, Shay's face contorted to whatever she was reacting to in her dream, and by the looks of it, Dawson could tell it wasn't good.

Shay's eyes suddenly flew open as dispatch echoed a call over the intercom.

"_Engine 51. Truck 81. Ambulance 61. Squad 3. Restaurant fire."_

Shay jumped out of bed, and without missing a beat she looked over at Dawson and said, "Time to go."


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER 10**

"OH man," Mouch said once they arrived to the scene of the fire. "Not O'Malley's."

O'Malley's was a small, quaint pizza joint that had served one of the best deep dish Chicago Pizzas in the area for 50 years. The O'Malley family had acquired an old building, probably built in the 1920s, and made a name for themselves in 1964 when they first opened up. The restaurant had the classic rustic vibe, but unfortunately, due to the age of the building, the health inspectors had forced them to close down their location and open up a newer one, which had just finished construction and was having a grand opening later this week.

Mouch had driven by the new location. They had built it very similar to the one they had now, and even though the pizza would still be delicious, part of the charm of the place was the building and he was sad to hear that it had shut down for health reasons, and now he couldn't help but feel sad that part of the building was smoking and in flames.

As soon as Chief Boden stepped out of his truck, a young woman, probably in her late twenties, ran over to him.

"I just got here and it was in flames," She said.

"Do you know if anyone is in the building?" Boden asked. He had looked around the parking lot and had only seen one car.

"Mr. O'Malley wanted to bake one last pizza at this location for the employees. We were supposed to meet for lunch and I was running late. Most of the staff takes public transport. I don't know who is here or not."

Boden nodded his head and relayed the information to Casey and Severide.

"Copy that Chief," Casey responded as he turned to his men. "Otis and Mouch, you are going to vent. Allister, Cruz, and Herrmann, you are with me."

Severide also turned to his men. "We don't know how many people are in the building. First priority is to get everyone out. Let's go."

As they made their way into the building, Shay and Dawson grabbed the medical supplies.

"61 to Main. We may need additional ambulances," Dawson said into her radio.

"_Copy that, 61. Keep us posted."_

* * *

"FIRE department, call out!" Casey said once he entered the building. The smoke was thick, but he could hear people on the ground coughing.

"I got some people over here," Newhouse said from the other side of the Restaurant.

"Newhouse, Mills and Tony, get these people out of here. I'll head into the kitchen with Casey."

"Allister, you help clear out the people. Cruz and Herrmann are with me."

"Copy that," Allister said.

As they made their way into the kitchen, they realized the fire was worse than they had anticipated.

"Fire Department, call out!" Severide said.

"Over here!" Came Mr. O'Malley's voice, where the fire had not yet reached, but was quickly making its way over. "I hurt my leg, I can't move."

Severide and Casey made their way to the man, while Cruz, Capp and Herrmann began dousing the flames with water.

"We got you," Casey said as he and Severide lifted up a shelf that had fallen on the man on his attempt to get out.

O'Malley was coughing. "I don't know what happened. Everything was good, I was making pizzas and then I heard a like a loud bang, and the next thing I knew, my oven was in flames and everything was catching fire." He paused. "My employees?"

"We're getting them out," Casey assured as he looked over to where Cruz, Herrmann and Capp were taking care of the fire. "They are in good hands."

* * *

SHAY, with her eyes closed and head resting against her locker, felt completely drained after the last call, even after she had a 15-minute nap before. While most people had minor smoke inhalation, burns, and superficial injuries, everyone had made it out of the fire alive, which was always a good thing. The building however, had not been so lucky as the fire went into the walls and destroyed it. Not that it mattered because it was closed anyway, but Mouch had said something about the place being a nostalgic piece of Chicago, and he was sad to know it was going to be torn down.

"Hey," Allister said as he entered the locker room, which caused Shay to open her eyes and look over at Allister. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Shay said with a small smile. "Just thinking."

"I don't think we really had a chance to meet or talk. I was sorry to hear about your friend."

Shay could feel her stomach drop. "Thank you."

"You're one strong woman, that's all I gotta say."

Shay gave Allister a small smile, even though she really didn't feel that strong. She survived a gunshot wound. People had survived worse.

"Listen, um, I'm not really good at these things, but maybe one day me and you can go out for drinks? Get to know each other a little better?"

Shay wondered if anyone in the house had put Allister up to this, like they did when Mills first arrived. Normally, Shay wouldn't mind playing along but she was just too tired.

"Listen Allister. You seem like a decent guy, and I will be your friend. But you're not my type."

Allister's expression changed. He had been rejected in the exact same way as Otis, Cruz, and Mills had said. He shook the rejection off. "How do you know I am not your type if you don't give me a chance?"

"Call it an educated guess," Shay said with an annoyed sigh.

Allister huffed. "What are you like a lesbo or something?"

"Yes," Shay said, now completely done with the conversation.

"You're lying," Allister began to say. "You don't look like a lesbian. And besides, that's what all women say. But one date with me, and you will realize that a beautiful woman like you belongs with a man like me. What do you say?"

"Well, when you put it like that," Shay began to say, and she could see the hope in his eyes. "I don't think I want to be your friend anymore."

Allister had never really been rejected. Women, who were already in relationships, had turned him down in the past, but that he could understand. This he couldn't, especially when Shay didn't fit his idea of what a lesbian is supposed to look like.

"Sorry if I don't believe you are gay," Allister said after a moment. "I highly doubt you have ever been with a woman, other than to arouse men in probably your college days…. Which still doesn't make you gay."

Shay closed her eyes for a brief moment and took a breath. She really didn't consider herself a womanizer, but she had brought women home for one-night stands, more so after her relationship with Clarice had ended. But she didn't need to validate herself to Allister. She didn't need to validate herself to anyone.

"Look Allister, if you are uncomfortable with me being gay, that's your problem, not mine. I don't need to explain myself to you. I am done with this conversation."

She started to head out of the locker room, but stopped dead in her tracks when she heard Allister say, "Your friend who died...Devon? She wasn't just your friend, was she?"

Shay had stayed silent, but the silence had given Allister the answer.

"So, you would date a low-life piece of trash who steals from you and your roommates, but you won't date me?"

Shay clenched her fist as she turned around and snapped, "I am sorry you have such a hard time understanding the word 'gay', but I am not interested in you or any man. And you don't know anything about Devon. And yes, we were lovers. Something you and I will never be."

Without saying another word she ran out of the locker room to get away from Allister.

Allister leaned his back against the locker, still in disbelief that a woman that normally would have thrown herself at him rejected him. His ego and pride had been hurt, and that was a feeling that was completely new to him. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out his cellphone and dialed a number.

"Hey Tommy," Allister said once his friend picked up. "How is Chicago PD treating you? That's great, man. Listen, I need a favour."

* * *

_SHAY entered Darryl Bell's apartment, with Dawson following close behind her. She smiled as she saw Darryl lying on the couch, with a smile on his face knowing he was going to get the best care. _

_ Both Shay and Dawson went through their regular routine, checking his blood sugar, giving him some food, and reminding him that they needed to do their jobs, and they were wasting resources on a non-emergency call. _

_ "You know," Darryl would start to say. "You have no idea what you mean to me Leslie." _

_ Shay smiled, flattered, until she noticed the gun that Darryl had pulled. _

_ "Put the gun down, Darryl," Dawson said with urgency in her voice. _

_ "You know I can't live without you," Darryl said. _

_ "You don't have to live without me, Darryl," Shay said as she began to approach him, but was stopped by Dawson._

_ "I got this, Shay," Dawson said before turning to Darryl. "I am not kidding, put the gun on the floor now." _

_ Shay's eyes stayed focused on the gun. "Darryl, look, uh, just give me the gun, okay, and um, we can go to Vegas tomorrow and get hitched. Just give me the gun." _

_ When Shay finally looked back up, she was no longer looking at Darryl. Instead, he was replaced by Devon, who had the same tormented look on her face. _

_ "Do you really mean that, Leslie?" Devon asked._

_ Shay's eyes widened, and her heart began to race. "Devon? Devon, give me the gun, okay, babe. Just, give me the gun." _

_ Before Shay could respond, Devon had begun to place the gun by her chin. "Devon"—but it was too late. A loud bang sound, followed by Shay's agonized scream had filled the room._

* * *

SERVERIDE ran out of his room in the middle of the night, only to be greeted by Elaine who was also awoken by a scream. They exchanged worried looks as they realized the scream had come from Shay's room.

Elaine switched Shay's light on, only to see her daughter covering her mouth, and shaking frantically. Elaine rushed over to her, and embraced her, whispering it was only a dream, and that she was okay.

Severide watched from the doorframe, noticing how tightly Shay had grabbed onto her mother, as Elaine rocked her back and forth to soothe her as Shay cried into her shoulder.

Elaine had looked back at Severide with concern, both sharing the same sentiment that they had no idea what was wrong with Shay, or how to even help her.


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER 11**

SEVERIDE made his way downstairs, noticing Elaine was in the kitchen making breakfast.

"Morning," He said as he walked into the kitchen. He grabbed himself a cup and poured the freshly brewed coffee into it.

"Morning," Elaine responded back. "You have time for breakfast?"

Severide nodded his head, and Elaine prepared him a plate with eggs and bacon.

"You didn't have to make breakfast," Severide said, but Elaine was quick to protest.

"I wanted to. Plus, I miss cooking for other people."

"Thank you," Severide said as Elaine put the plate in front of him. He looked down at his food before he asked, "How is Shay?"

Elaine shrugged. "I stayed with her the rest of the night. She said she had a dream about Darryl that felt real. She finally fell asleep, but I could tell she was still having nightmares. I know she told me about Darryl, and how his suicide affected her awhile back, but she assured me she was better."

Severide was about to say something, that he thought the dream was more than just Darryl to have Shay react like that, but stopped when he heard Shay make her way down the stairs in a rush. Her hair was still wet from her morning shower.

"Morning," She said quickly grabbing a cup of coffee, and drinking it quickly, even though it was hot.

Elaine and Severide exchanged a look, but Shay didn't notice the concern in both their faces. It was as if last night never happened to her.

"Shoot. I'm running late," Shay said as she looked at the clock by the fridge.

"Want me to pack up breakfast for you?" Elaine asked as Shay made her way back up the stairs.

"Sure, thanks."

Once Elaine heard the bathroom door shut, she turned to Severide.

"You don't have to say it," Severide said. "I'm worried about her too."

* * *

NEWHOUSE found Dawson sitting in the back of the ambulance reading a book about firefighting from one of her classes. It reminded him about his time leaving the Academy and doing the exact same thing before he was placed in a Firehouse for candidacy. He admired Dawson for her tenacity, and even though he didn't know her for that long, he knew that if she were unfortunate enough to get placed at Austin, she would give them hell.

"Hey, Dawson," Newhouse said, which caused Dawson to look up from her reading material. "Doing some light reading?"

Dawson chuckled. "I just want to be prepared for whenever they place me somewhere."

"I get that," Newhouse said. "I was the same way. I think everyone who leaves the Academy is the same way."

Dawson nodded her head. She supposed that was true, and she found herself admitting something to Newhouse that she couldn't even admit to Casey.

"I guess I am just worried, especially if I get placed at Austin. I know they won't break me, but I am also afraid they won't give me a fair shot and all that I worked for to get this far would be for nothing."

"Look, no one ever leaves the Academy knowing the answers. This job changes within a heartbeat—literally. If Austin isn't going to give you a fair shake, it's because their egos are what drives them and not helping people. You going there might be a good thing for that House. Show them what it really means to be a firefighter."

Dawson smiled. "Thanks, Newhouse. I appreciate that."

"Anytime. Besides, 51 will always have your back."

"Yeah," Dawson began to say. "51 will always be my home."

"Not that I don't enjoy talking with you, I actually came here for a reason. Severide requested to see you in his office."

Dawson gave Newhouse a confused look, and by the look on his face she could tell that he didn't know what it was regarding either.

"Okay, thanks," Dawson said. "I'll go see what he wants."

* * *

SEVERIDE turned his attention toward his door when he heard a slight knock, and motioned for Dawson to come in.

"You wanted to see me?" Dawson said as she opened the door and stepped inside his office.

"Yeah, can you shut the door please?" Severide said, and Dawson complied still not knowing what this was in regards to.

"Thanks for coming," Severide said.

"Yeah, sure. You wanted to see me…it sounded important."

"It is," Severide said. "It's about Shay. Something's not right."

Dawson exhaled. The last couple of days she had noticed something was off with Shay. She noticed her friend had been tired lately, but had passed it off as late night chats with her mother. When she tried to get Shay to open up, Shay would say she was fine.

"Not going to lie, I do feel like it is Darryl Bell all over again," Dawson finally said. "And I try to get her to open up, but she just shuts me down. And what is worse, at least with the first time, she shut me out because we weren't talking, but this time she is just keeping this all inside."

Severide nodded his head. "Last night she woke up screaming. She was shaking, Dawson. Sobbing. She was holding onto her mother so tight, I've never seen her like that before. This morning, it was like none of that had ever happened."

Dawson crossed her arms. "You think its Post Traumatic Stress?"

Severide shrugged. They both knew Shay was in a rough spot after Darryl's suicide, but she had seemed better once Dawson and her started to talk again.

"She's been through a lot in a short period of time, with Darryl and Devon, as well as getting shot. I'll try to reach out to her again."

"Her mom is really worried about her. I'm really worried about her," Severide said.

"I know. I'm worried about her too. I'll talk to her."

"Thanks, Dawson," Severide said as Dawson headed toward the door.

* * *

DAWSON found Shay sitting outside the Firehouse. It was nice days like this where everyone gathered outside to enjoy the weather. It was also times like this that she was grateful everyone had chipped in to buy lawn chairs so they could sit outside.

"Mind if I join you?" Dawson asked, causing Shay to look up from her phone.

"Not at all," Shay said with a smile as she put her cellphone in her pocket.

"You can continue texting whoever you were talking to," Dawson said. "I just needed some fresh air."

"I was just talking to my Mom. She unfortunately has to cut her visit short. Her boss needs her back in the office ASAP for media project that's deadline got pushed up."

"Yikes," Dawson said. "That sucks."

"Yeah. My mom said she would come back, or pay for a plane ticket so I can visit her in Tacoma."

"How'd she like Chicago?"

"She liked it. I mean I couldn't show her around that much, she kind of came at an awkward time where I am working a lot. But I showed her the Cloud gate and my favourite bridge, and she explored the city a bit, so it wasn't a complete loss."

"That's good," Dawson said. "Next time she comes down she'll have to stop at Molly's."

"Yeah. Everyone will get a kick out of her being drunk. Maybe it's a good thing I haven't shown her Molly's just yet."

"Why? How bad does she get when she drinks?"

"I am just going to say alcohol really affects her."

They both shared a laugh.

"God, it's such a beautiful day today," Dawson said as she closed her eyes and allowed the sun to beat down on her.

Shay followed suit. "We just need a couple of drinks and it would be perfect."

Silence fell between the two of them as they kept an ear out for any alarms, while also enjoying the sounds of birds chirping. It was in the silence that Shay began to think about people who were not working and enjoying the day, and she pictured couples going on walks with their dogs, people biking, or just taking a drive with the windows open or the rooftop down.

It was in her own moment of enjoying the way the sun felt on her face that she had triggered her own panic attack by remembering that Devon was dead, and that she would never again feel the sun on her face, or enjoy the simplicity of a slow day.

Shay suddenly got up from her chair, causing Dawson to open her eyes. She could see that something was not right, as Shay had become pale, her hands were shaking, and there was a pained expression on her face as if she was going through an internal struggle.

"Shay?" Dawson asked as she got up from her chair. "Are you okay?"

Shay didn't respond, as if she didn't hear Dawson. So Dawson gently grabbed her arm and repeated, "Shay, are you okay?"

Shay slightly jumped at Dawson's touch, which caused Dawson to immediately remove her hand.

Shay looked at Dawson. "I'm fine. I'm fine. I just have to go. I have to go."

Shay quickly put her hands in her vest and started to head inside, even though Dawson was calling out for her.


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER 12**

ELAINE put her luggage to the side while she waited for her boarding call. She had really enjoyed her time in Chicago, and had hoped to stay longer, but her boss needed her urgently so she had no choice but to get on the next available flight.

She insisted she would take a taxi to the airport, but Shay and Severide had protested. It was the least they could do after she had cooked them meals for the time that she was here, and they still had time before shift to see her off.

While Elaine waited, she couldn't help but feel emotional, and wondered how she had lived almost 2,000 miles away from her only child and not be a complete inner wreck like she was now. Seeing her daughter again had been good, since she missed her terribly, but she was also concerned for her. Knowing that Severide was looking out for Shay had helped ease her apprehension about leaving so soon, but she would be lying to herself if there wasn't an uneasiness left in the pit of her stomach the night she cradled her daughter after a panic attack.

The intercom interrupted Elaine's thoughts as a flight attendant began the countdown for boarding to Tacoma.

Shay, who turned her attention over to her mother, noticed that Elaine was wiping away tears from her eyes.

"Are you crying?" Shay asked, to which Elaine shook her head, but the tears didn't lie. "Mom…"

"I can't help it, Leslie" Elaine said as she embraced her daughter. "I'm just going to miss you so much."

"I'll come visit, I promise. And you can always come back to Chicago."

Elaine only hugged tighter, not wanting the embrace to end, but she did have a flight to catch. Once she separated from the hug, she cupped Shay's face and looked into her daughter's eyes.

"It's like looking into a mirror," Elaine joked, which caused Shay to laugh. "I love you, Leslie."

As Elaine kissed Shay's forehead, Shay said, "Love you too, Mom."

Elaine looked over at Severide. "Keep an eye out for this one, will you?"

"Will do," Severide responded.

"Text me when you land, okay?" Shay said. "And I will definitely come to Tacoma…one of these days."

"I'll hold you to it," Elaine said, and then turned to look at Severide. "Kelly, it was a pleasure meeting you. Thank you for letting me stay."

"It was a pleasure, and you are always welcome to stay."

The intercom buzzed again, notifying passengers that they were able to board the plane.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye for now," Elaine said as she gave Shay a final hug goodbye.

"Bye Mom. Have a safe flight."

Shay watched as her Mom passed through the gate, before turning to face Severide. "Thanks for driving us to the airport."

Severide wrapped his arm around Shay as the two of them began to walk out. "You don't have to thank me, Shay. Your mom seems pretty cool."

"She's the best. I'm lucky to have her," Shay said, even though she knew everyone said that about his or her own parents. But growing up gay is never easy. Even though she wasn't confused about her sexuality and knew early on that she would never like men the way she was supposed to, when she came out to her divorced parents as a teenager because she was terrible at keeping secrets, they could have easily disowned her, especially her mother whom she was living with at the time. Instead, they had told her it was okay, that they kind of had a feeling and was reminded that she was still loved. Some gay teens are not that lucky.

"She's also pretty hot for a mom," Severide joked, which caused Shay to push him off of her, while he chuckled all the way to the car.

* * *

DAWSON looked at the clipboard and sighed. "I swear. Half the work we do is inventory for both shifts."

Shay nodded her head in agreement. She didn't mind doing inventory checks with Dawson. It was part of their regular morning routine and done rather quickly while they talked about the latest drama in their lives. Today, however, they were short on a couple of supplies that the other shift failed to take inventory on.

"We're going to need more abdominal packs and gauze," Dawson said. "We have enough for now, but we should stuck up just in case."

"I'll check the supply room," Shay said as she got up from her seat.

"Can you also check if we need to order more supplies?"

"Will do," Shay said as she jumped out of the ambo and made her way across the apparatus bay heading toward the supply cabinet. Thankfully, when she opened the door there were enough abdominal packs and gauze to last them a few shifts, but she would have to place an extra order, just in case the other shift forgot to.

Grabbing the two boxes and stacking them one on top of the other, she started to make her way back to the Ambo, only to freeze in her tracks when she heard Allister whistle at her from behind.

She tilted her head slightly, seeing Allister from the corner of her eye. "Really. Cat-calling?"

Allister put his hands up in surrender as he made his way closer to Shay, with a smile on his face. "Hey, I can't help it if I find attractive women attractive."

"That's so funny," Shay began to say. "Because I can't help it either."

Allister's smile faded. "Still on that gay thing?"

"You still think I am lying?" Shay asked, and she could tell by his expression that he actually did.

"Look, no one has ever rejected me before, lesbian or otherwise. And I have dated so-called-lesbians who just needed a real man in their life. All I am asking is for one dinner to change your mind."

Shay arched an eyebrow, knowing Allister was full of shit. But she was too tired to deal with him. "I can tell you've never been rejected, but I am not interested. Never will be."

Allister was about to say something, but was interrupted by the alarms for Ambulance 61, as Shay quickly put aside the boxes and made her way over to the Ambulance where Dawson was ready to go.

He watched as they pulled out of the Station, heading right on Blue Island Avenue. In spite of everything, Shay had still rejected him, and it still hurt his ego. Taking out his cellphone from his pocket, he dialed his friend.

"Hey Tommy, it's me. When you get this message swing by 51, ASAP, with the favour. She still rejected me, and I think she needs a dose of reality. Thanks man. I owe you."

* * *

SHAY and Dawson returned from the call just in time for lunch, only to find the men at 51 were debating on what place to get takeout from.

Shay used this opportunity to clean up. She really didn't care what they decided for lunch—she really wasn't even that hungry. The lack of sleep she was experiencing was starting to take a toll on her. Coming back from even the most minor calls had left her drained and exhausted, and she somehow always found herself in the locker room, leaning forward against her locker, taking solace in the cold metal as it touched her forehead.

"Hey Shay," Came Mouch's voice, which caused her to open her eyes and turn to face him. "Remember that fire at O'Malley's?"

"Yeah. Yeah. I do. Why?"

"Mr. O'Malley just dropped off a bunch of pizzas as thanks for saving his life and the lives of his employees. It's in the kitchen when you are ready."

"Thanks, Mouch." Shay said with a small smile. She watched as he headed back out, and decided it was best if she had something to eat. Maybe that would give her some energy and she wouldn't feel as though she was running on empty.

She looked back at her locker, trying to remember if she needed to get anything from inside, but was drawing a blank. She began to enter her combination anyway, maybe seeing something inside would jog her memory as to why she was there in the first place. Once she opened her locker, a manila envelope had fallen on the ground, as if it was shoved hastily into her locker.

The manila envelope was blank. She looked around the empty locker room before she bent down to pick it up. She could feel something was inside the envelope, like pictures, and debated whether or not she should open it. Taking one last peak around the room, she decided to snoop and pulled out whatever was inside.

Her first guess had been right. They were indeed pictures, except they were pictures of a crime scene. Devon's crime scene.

Her hands were shaking as she flipped through the photos. She could feel her heart begin to race, causing her chest to hurt. Her breathing was becoming labored and when she came across the photo of a close up picture of Devon lying in a pool of her own blood, she could feel her heart stop, if only for a second.

She had seen Devon dead in the morgue, where her body had been stitched back up after the Medical Examiner had completed her autopsy. But seeing the crime scene photos had brought on a wave of memories and emotions that she wasn't prepared to deal with. It was as if she was back in the alley, begging Devon to hold on, and knowing it was too late. It brought back memories of her own mortality, accepting that it was probably too late for her too, but at least if they died, they would be together. It also brought on the pain-staking guilt that she had felt ever since she found out that Devon had died, but she had lived.

She found herself sitting on the bench, not remembering how she got there, and staring blankly at the last photo. Her hands were still shaking, her heart was still racing, and she was in the middle of feeling like she had to throw up, and wanting to scream.

Her mind was starting to race, and she realized she was still looking at the picture of Devon, so she quickly turned it over not being able to see her look so helpless and pained. It was only when she did that, did she notice there was writing on the back of it.

'_She's gone.'_

Shay sat up straighter on the bench, knowing who had slipped these pictures into her locker. Out of all the emotions she had felt in the span of 15 minutes, anger was now the strongest one.

* * *

FREE pizza days at the Firehouse were always a rare, but enjoyable treat. Even Chief Boden, who was normally tucked away in his office, had decided to grab a slice of pizza and relax in the kitchen that now smelt like it was a pizzeria and not a firehouse.

Allister, in between bites, was in the middle of telling a story that had drawn everyone's attention.

"So, at my last house there was this guy, Gib, he thought he was some hotshot firefighter. There was a shower that only he could use, and everyone at the firehouse just went along with it to avoid arguments. It was just a shower, after all. The other ones were just as good. Anyway, we got a new candidate come in. He was a hard worker, and eager to learn. First call he receives is for a house fire."

Allister paused, taking another bite of pizza. "The house is almost not savable, but we were able to get everyone out alive, which is the most important thing. So, we are all dirty and covered in soot, and he takes a shower in Gib's shower not realizing. Gib loses it and just goes off on the poor candidate. We all felt bad for him, so this one guy, who is also a plumber, decided to put red dye in his showerhead. The next time he took a shower, this dark red came out to resemble blood, and Gib totally freaked out. He ran out of the shower butt-naked screaming and covered in this red dye thinking that some exorcist shit was going down."

Everyone started to laugh at Allister's story as he continued, "The Chief wasn't too happy at the prank, but we all couldn't stop laughing for weeks."

"Man, that sounds awesome," Cruz said. "I hope Gib learnt his lesson."

"Yeah. Since that day he hasn't stepped foot in that shower."

While everyone chuckled at Allister's story, Dawson was the first person to notice Shay enter the kitchen. However, instead of Shay making her way to the pizza, she was walking with determination toward Allister, and there was a look on her face that Dawson had never seen before.

"Do you think this is fucking funny?" Shay practically yelled as she threw the pictures at Allister once she reached him, causing everyone in the kitchen to become eerily quiet.

"Shay"— Allister began to say, but was interrupted.

"Shut up!" Shay yelled. "You put crime scene photos—you put Devon's crime scene photos in my locker."

Shay's strong resolve began to weaken.

"Why?" Shay asked, her voice beginning to shake. "Why would you do that? Why would you make me relive this? I loved her. I loved her." Her knees began to buckle, and she fell to the ground sobbing.

Dawson quickly made her way over to Shay and embraced her friend as she cried.

Chief Boden, who now had a serious look on his face looked over at Severide, Casey and Allister. "The three of you in my office, now."


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER 13**

"I need an explanation as to why you would put pictures of someone's murdered loved one in their locker," Chief Boden said the second the three of them were in his office. He didn't even bother to wait until the door was closed either, and the anger was evident in his voice.

"How do you even know it was me?" Allister asked. "How would I even get those pictures? There are two other people here who know cops. Maybe they did it."

"The only two other people who know members of the Chicago Police Department are Severide and Dawson," Casey said.

"Exactly!" Allister exclaimed, exchanging a look between the two Lieutenants and Chief Boden. " And it is no secret that Severide never even liked Devon."

Severide crossed his arms. "I may have not liked Devon, but I would have never wished her dead. And my dislike for Devon is minimal for the love I have for Shay. I would never hurt her like that."

"You're wasting your love," Allister muttered under his breath. "She's apparently a fag."

Severide uncrossed his arms and started to make his way toward Allister. "What did you just say?"

Casey stepped in front of Severide. Even though all three of them wanted to hit Allister, there was no need for this to get physical. Casey had no doubt that Chief would handle this properly.

"Dawson has probably contacted Antonio," Casey began to say. "He'll look into how Devon's crime scene photos got into Shay's locker."

Allister shook his head. "So it's fine for you people to accuse me of something, but Severide coming at me is okay?"

Chief Boden leaned against his desk. "When I write my incident report, I have to state exactly what happened. What I saw—what everyone saw, was Shay approach you and throw photos at your face while visibly upset. She did not enter the kitchen and ask, 'Who did this?' It was as if she already knew who did."

"And like I said, that faggot is mistaken," Allister barked back.

Chief closed his eyes for a moment. "Everyone who comes into this house is treated as a member of this family." He opened them and looked directly at Allister as he continued, "As a family we support one another through our toughest times. Yes, there will be rough patches—it happens in all families. As a family we do not discriminate against gender, colour of skin, ethnic or religious background. As you can tell, we have people of different genders, skin colour, ethnic and probably different religious backgrounds in this house."

"I'm not a racist," Allister commented.

Chief continued talking, ignoring Allister's comment. "We also do not discriminate against people based on sexual orientation. Any LGBTQ members who come through these doors are treated with dignity and respect. Shay happens to identify as an LGBTQ member, and this is the first time I have heard that word used in this house in such a derogatory way that it makes my stomach turn."

Chief made his way around his desk, opening up a file cabinet and taking out a pink slip of paper and placing it down on his desk. "A year ago, I fired a member of this household for calling another member here a 'mutt.' I had made my stance clear that any discrimination or derogatory words used to hurt those of different genders, races, ethnic, religious and sexual orientation, would have a zero tolerance policy. This makes my job so much easier, knowing I do not have to wait for evidence to find out who placed the photos in Shay's locker."

"You're firing me?" Allister asked.

"Effective immediately. Clear out your locker."

"This isn't right. You still have no proof I placed the photos in the locker."

"He isn't firing you based on the photos," Severide said. "He's firing you because of the zero tolerance policy."

"And make no mistake," Casey added. "The photo situation will be looked into by Antonio. We will know it was you by the end of the day, so you might as well just come clean."

"I'll go to the Union on this," Allister said.

Severide laughed. "You can go to the Union. Mouch is our Union adviser, and he cares for Shay. Our Union also has a policy on discrimination based on sexual orientation, but by the time you get through the channels of making your case, we will have the evidence that you placed the photos in Shay's locker."

"Allister," Chief began to say. "You can do whatever you need to do, just get out of my house. You are no longer welcome here."

"This is bullshit," Allister said as he headed toward the door. "I can't believe I am losing my job over a some stupid dyke."

"You just don't stop, do you?" Severide commented as he watched Allister exit Chief's office and head toward the locker room.

"Make sure he leaves," Chief said to Casey and Severide. "I have no patience for ignorant people in this house."

* * *

SHAY was hunched over the toilet bowl, as Dawson rubbed her friend's trembling back. She had been worried about Shay ever since she had noticed her friend looked extremely tired, but with Shay shutting everyone out, it was hard to understand what exactly was going on inside of her.

After the confrontation, Dawson had hugged her friend tightly as she sobbed into her shoulder, while the others picked up the photos and took them away. No one knew what to say, or what to do. Most of the guys had left to give Shay some privacy, which Dawson gave a silent thank you. She had asked Mills to get into contact with Antonio to figure out how the pictures ended up in Shay's locker, as she was busy comforting Shay, and he was more than willing to help out.

While she was hugging Shay, she could feel her friend's trembling body, and knew Shay was still seeing those horrible pictures in her mind, and maybe even reliving that night in her mind. It had gotten to the point where Shay quickly had pushed Dawson off of her, and with one hand covering her mouth, she had ran to the washroom to vomit.

Dawson knew Shay was having a panic attack, and she had tried her best to soothe Shay. She couldn't be there for her during her hard time with Darryl, so she was definitely going to be here now.

Dawson flushed the toilet, knowing there was nothing more for Shay to throw up. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up."

Dawson helped Shay off the floor and they made their way to the sink where Shay rinsed her mouth out.

When Shay was done, her eyes red and puffy from crying looked over at Dawson and said, "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Shay," Dawson said.

"I'm a mess. I don't know what came over me. Thanks for helping me."

Dawson watched as Shay rinsed off her face, and with concern in her voice she began to say, "Leslie…"

"I'm fine, Gabby. Really. Its just Allister had no right, you know. And he's been bothering me lately."

"Bothering you?" Dawson asked.

"Yeah. He wanted to go out on a date—thought he could change me—can you believe that? Anyway, I rejected him, and he looks like the type to not handle rejection well, so I guess this was his payback."

"Why didn't you tell me or Severide this?" Dawson asked.

"I didn't think it was a big deal. If it got really out of hand, I would have gone to Chief, but it was just, you know—I mean, I thought he would eventually clue in. Maybe he thought if he showed me pictures of that night and"—Shay suddenly stopped herself as images of Devon both in a pool of her own blood and in the morgue appeared in her head—"anyway, thank you for being there for me, Dawson."

Dawson just looked at Shay, and Shay noticed the concern on Dawson's face.

"I'm fine, Dawson, really," Shay repeated while giving her friend a reassuring smile.

"You can talk to me, you know that right?"

Shay nodded her head. "I know, and I love you for being so great to me. But, I'm fine. Honestly."

* * *

ALLISTER began to dump his belongings into a box that was already provided for him, curtsey of the men at 51, who were watching him pack his belongings.

"This isn't right," Allister said. "You have no proof it was me."

"I spoke with Detective Dawson," Mills said. "He's looking into it."

"Doesn't Chicago PD have anything better to do with their time?" Allister scoffed.

"The thing you should know about the Dawson family," Casey began to say. "Is that they are very close to Shay. You mess with a member of their family, and they make it a priority to find out who messed with them in the first place."

"So please, do hurry up and pack your things," Otis added.

Allister looked at Mouch. "You're a pretty lousy Union Rep to allow this happen."

Mouch looked at Allister. "And as your Union Rep, I say…yakkai harai."

"What the fuck does that even mean?" Allister asked as he slammed the locker door shut.

"It's Japanese for good riddance," Mouch answered.

Allister picked up his box. "On second thought, maybe I am better off getting away from you whack jobs. What good is this house if you don't watch a fellow firefighters back?"

"We do watch each others backs," Cruz said. "All of our backs. Not just firefighters, but also paramedics, and administrative staff as well. This is a house. A family lives and works here. And if you can't accept any member of our family, then you best get out."

Allister looked at Newhouse. "You're fairly new here. Watch your back. They don't take too kindly to new members."

"This house has been very welcoming," Newhouse said. "I feel like I have been here for years. And it's not that they don't welcome new members. They just don't welcome people who could purposely cause another family member pain."

"Couldn't have said it better myself," Herrmann added. "This house has been through a lot. We don't need people like you bringing us down."

"So please," Capp said. "Don't let the door hit you on the way out."

Allister exchanged one last look at all the men in the house and scoffed in disgust as he headed out.

* * *

CHIEF Boden waited until Shay was seated in his office before he began to speak.

"I wanted to talk about this afternoon," He began to say.

"I'm sorry, Chief, I didn't mean to lose it like that," Shay responded after she took a breath.

"You don't have to apologize. I know you have been through a lot this last year. I just wanted to let you know that I have fired Allister, and he will no longer be working at 51."

Shay let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Chief."

"After today's incident, I am giving you the option to take a couple of days off of work, considering we are investigating the photo incident."

"I appreciate that, Chief. I do. But, I'm fine."

"Like I said, the offer is on the table. If you need time, take it. Take as much as you need."

Shay got up from her chair. "I'll think about it. Get back to you."

Chief nodded his head. "You do that, and please seriously consider it."

"I will. Thanks Chief."


	14. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER 14**

ALLISTER couldn't sit still, and he found himself pacing around his apartment living room, stopping only to take a swig of beer. He couldn't believe he had been fired so quickly, and that had angered him.

"Can you believe them?" Allister finally asked his police officer friend, Tommy, who was sitting on the couch also drinking his own beer. "Firing me on the spot like that? I thought that was what Unions were for—to avoid things like this. And then getting the Intelligence Unit involved? Fucking bullshit."

Tommy was calmer than Allister. "I wouldn't worry about it too much."

"How can I not? The dyke's friends are getting their police buddies to look into it."

Tommy almost laughed. "This woman must be really hot to have you all jumbled up like this."

"She's perfect. Everything I would want in a mate. And she turns out to be"—he couldn't even say it without pausing – "_gay_? That's messed up right there."

Tommy took a swig of beer as he watched his friend get riled up again.

"I mean it's disgusting. A woman should be with a man. And a man should be with a woman. End of story," Allister said, and Tommy only shrugged.

"No. I am not done with this," Allister began. "I want to make her hurt like I hurt." He paused. "What have you heard about the investigation?"

Tommy leaned back into the couch. "Like I said, you have nothing to worry about. Intelligence is packed with their own, more serious, cases. Voight being in charge doesn't help much either. Everyone is already skeptical of him. By the time they get around to their investigation, they'll have to go through all the officers that come in and out of Evidence. That is time they do not have."

"I hope you're right," Allister said.

"Trust me. When I left work today, everything was still the same. Nothing suspicious. Hell, I was still working evidence no problem."

Allister was quiet for a moment. "Speaking of evidence…what else was there for that other dyke who died?"

"Not much. But for the victim's personal belongings, the only thing we do have is this green, old, station wagon."

Allister raised an eyebrow. "No one claimed it?"

"No. Can't get a hold of her mother, and her father is out on bail for a DUI in San Antonio. It will stay there until it's either claimed or be discarded by the police."

Allister nodded his head. "How hard would it be to get that truck?"

"You would need to sign it out," Tommy answered. "But it's not as easy as taking copies of photos."

"Valid point. How would one sign it out?"

"Usually it is next of kin, and with a piece of identification."

"Would it be hard to sign it out?"

"Not really, especially if an officer is willing to forge a document. And, I mean, I doubt anyone is going to come for the truck. Why?"

A smile appeared across Allister's face. "I have an idea…"

* * *

IT was getting harder, and harder for Shay to mask how tired she really was. The last two days had been great, not having to worry about any of Allister's homophobic remarks, but her dreams still haunted her making it nearly impossible for her to get a good nights rest. She couldn't even remember the last time she had slept through the night.

Today, everyone was gathered in the common room. Herrmann had run his mouth as usual, and now all ten members of Squad and Truck were gathered around the table playing a massive poker game, where the last person standing from either side would be considered the team winner.

It had been a pretty intense game, and they were all taking it very seriously. Dawson had commented that it was getting pretty riveting, and it was hard to look away. Dawson, of course had decided to stick by her man, and was rooting for Truck to win. When Severide had asked Shay if she was rooting for Squad, she responded that the only team she was on was Ambulance 61, and if they had allowed her to play, she would have cleaned them dry.

In between the men saying 'fold' or 'raise', Shay could feel herself drifting off to sleep in the chair she was slouched in. If she did fall asleep, she knew Dawson and Severide would bombard her with questions, and that was something she absolutely did not want.

"I'm going to get some air," Shay finally said as she got up from her chair, thinking the air would be exactly what she needed to make herself feel awake.

"Okay," Dawson said without looking away from the game, as Shay sauntered off.

* * *

THE apparatus bay was eerily quiet as Shay made her way in between the trucks, and as she got closer to the open garage door, she could feel the nice, cool, Chicago breeze. Once she stepped outside, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It was a particularly cold day, unusual for this time of year, but also nice. She generally preferred the borderline months before it got really hot or really cold. The not too hot, not too cold days never lasted that long, so she always tried to savor them when she could.

The fresh air was exactly what she needed to wake herself up, and as she listened to the sounds of the air blowing, and birds chirping, she felt at peace for the first time in a while. She was optimistic that she was actually going to start feeling better.

When she finally opened her eyes she had a small smile on her face, and took around the surroundings outside the firehouse.

A familiar vehicle quickly grabbed her attention, and she could feel her stomach drop and her smile disappear. Parked just in front of the firehouse was Devon's station wagon.

_OCTOBER 2013_

"THAT'S your truck?" Shay asked as she followed Devon through her building's underground parking lot. It was an old truck, that had to be from the 70s, or 80s, and it was this light green color with a white roof and rust near the tires and windows. It seemed so out of place in the parking lot full of cars from 2005 and higher, but it was also, for some strange reason, completely Devon.

"Yep," Devon answered, and as she turned to look at Shay, she asked, "Jealous?"

Shay chuckled. "I am not jealous. Did your parents hand that down to you or something?"

Now Devon laughed. "No. I bought this baby through Craigslist. Some guy was selling it because it wasn't running and he didn't think it was worth the maintenance. I had to do some work on it, but it was worth every cent."

Shay approached the truck, not understanding why anyone would put more money in a car than it was worth.

"I know what you're thinking," Devon said as she looked at Shay. "Why would I spend so much money on a car that's more than 43 years old?"

"It did come to mind," Shay answered back.

"It's the history," Devon began to say. "This vehicle has been sold from person to person over the years. And each person has used this vehicle to either complete mundane tasks, or go on adventures. It's worldly, I suppose. It has a story that no one can see or hear, but a story nonetheless."

Shay stood by the truck, memorized by what Devon had just said. She had never really pegged her for being sentimental, but the more time she had spent with Devon, the more intrigued she had become by this woman. Ever since Clarice, she had made it a point not to get too attached to women—one or two date's tops—but slowly she was finding out that Devon was an exception to her rule. She could spend days with Devon, and find something new about her.

"It can be a pain in my ass sometimes when it breaks down," Devon said as her hand gripped the door handle. "But it didn't look like it was done telling stories."

"I guess I never really thought about it that way," Shay said as she made her way toward the passenger side of the vehicle, and as she entered the truck she pictured various lovers taking the truck on Sunday drives throughout the decades, as she and Devon were about to do now.

Devon turned to Shay once they were both settled into the truck. "Now you're part of the story."

Shay traced her hand over the upholstery of the vehicle, and with a small smile asked, "How many lesbian adventures do you think this truck has been on?"

Devon leaned in, kissing Shay, and once they parted, with their foreheads still touching each other, she said, "That's the mystery of the story. Only the truck and the trucks previous owners know the story for sure. But the important thing is to fill the miles with our own adventures."

Once Shay buckled up, she turned back to Devon with a smile on her face. "Then I guess we should continue the story."

Devon returned the smile. "I think this will be my favourite story so far."

* * *

SHAY was still frozen in her spot; still staring at Devon's truck and snapping out of the memory she had of the first time she laid eyes on it. She closed her eyes and shook her head, wondering if her exhaustion was making her hallucinate. When she opened her eyes again, she was somewhat relieved to know she wasn't going crazy, but also wondered how and why Devon's truck ended up outside the firehouse.

She could feel her heart began to race; her hands begin to shake, and the colour drain from her, as she started to make her way toward the vehicle. Memories of her time with Devon in that truck were all coming back to her. A memory of spontaneous drives for random picnics; another memory of doing more than making out in the back of her truck under the moonlight; singing along to the radio when the road seemed endless.

She had only made it halfway down the driveway when she heard a loud _BOOM,_ that caused her to lose her balance and fall forward, scraping her head against the concrete. The pungent smell of smoke took over the fresh air, and nearby car alarms that were set off by the explosion had replaced the sounds of the birds chirping.

Shay lifted up her head from the ground, blood dripping from the scrape on her forehead, and she was horrified to see that Devon's car was now completely engulfed in flames and blown apart.

* * *

"WHAT the hell was that?" Herrmann asked as he put his cards down and quickly got up from his chair to investigate the sound of the noise. Everyone else had followed suit, even Chief had come out of his office, and they were all running toward the apparatus bay.

"Shay!" Severide exclaimed once he saw his friend lying down on the concrete, and rushed down the driveway to reach her.

Chief Boden was on a dispatch, calling in the fire, while Casey turned to the men who were already gearing up.

"Contain that car fire," Casey said. "Herrmann and Cruz with the extinguisher, Otis and Mouch with the hose."

"On it," Otis said as he and Mouch grabbed the hose and quickly made their way to the fire hydrant.

Dawson quickly opened up the back of the Ambo and grabbed the first aid kit and made her way down the driveway to where Shay and Severide were.

Shay was now sitting up, with Severide's hands on her shoulder, but Dawson noticed that Shay's eyes were focused on the vehicle that was now blown apart.

"Her heads bleeding," Severide said, and Dawson put on her gloves as she turned her attention to Squad and Truck working on putting out the fire. There were pieces of metal everywhere, and Shay was lucky she wasn't severely hurt.

While Squad and Truck contained the fire so it didn't spread more than it already had, Dawson examined Shay's head. It wasn't deep enough to need stitches, but she was more worried about the fact that Shay had hit her head and could have a concussion.

"Are you nauseous? Dizzy?" Dawson asked, but Shay never responded. Her eyes were still focused on the vehicle.

"She won't even answer me," Severide said. "She just keeps looking at the vehicle."

Severide and Dawson both turned their attention back to the vehicle where the fire was almost put out. It had been completely charred and Severide couldn't help but remember the time Hadley had set his car on fire.

"How does a car just explode like that?" Dawson asked.

"It doesn't," Mills said as he approached the three of them.

"Accelerant? Like the time with Hadley?" Severide asked and Mills shook his head.

"Bomb," Mills answered. "But small. Car bombs are usually effective for causing mass damage because they can carry a lot of detonation…but this one, not even half of what would be used to cause serious damage. That's why the effect is so minimal."

"But enough to get the point across," Severide said, to which Mills nodded as Casey made his way up to them.

"I'm going to tell Chief. The police are going to want to investigate this," Mills said.

"Maybe we should get bomb squad here too. There could be others," Casey said.

Dawson sighed. "I just don't understand…in front of a firehouse of all places? Chicago P.D already caught the guy that had called war on the fire department and police department. You don't think it's a copy cat?"

"I don't know," Mills said. "Those bombs, although amateur, had a lot of detonating power. This feels like someone is just trying to send a message, or scare someone."

"I agree with Mills," Casey said. "But just to be safe until we know who exactly that car belongs to."

"It's Devon's," Shay said in a deadpan voice, which caused everyone to turn to look at her, even though her eyes were still glued to the damaged car.

Dawson and Severide exchanged a concerned look, as Casey said, "I think you both have some calls to make."


	15. Chapter 15

**CHAPTER 15**

DETECTIVES Erin Lindsay and Antonio Dawson were in Chief Boden's office along with Severide, Dawson and Shay. They had come as soon as they had heard what had happened outside the firehouse, and Chicago PD was now launching a full investigation.

"Bomb squad didn't find any other IEDs," Lindsay said as she put her cellphone back into her pocket. "It's a miracle no one was severely hurt or killed."

"How long will the investigation take?" Severide asked.

"It depends," Antonio began to say. "First we will have to go through all the evidence logs and video cameras. From there, we have to narrow down suspicious activity. After that, we need to find a connection."

Shay, who was biting her thumb nail and tapping her foot, said, "It was James Allister. I know it was him."

"They still have to do an investigation, Shay," Chief Boden said as he looked at her. "They, unfortunately, can't take your word on it alone."

Shay shot up from her chair. "But we have evidence! The crime scene photos he stuffed in my locker."

"We need to find the connection, Leslie," Lindsay said. "Even if we could, we have no grounds to arrest him."

Shay just kept shaking her head. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, or just being completely done with everything that has happened, but her temper was on a short fuse. "That's not good enough. He could have killed someone today with what he did, and he also destroyed Devon's truck. Do you know how much that truck means to her?"

The room was quiet, until Severide said, "Meant."

"What?" Shay asked, shaking her head in confusion.

Severide looked her directly in the eye. "Meant to her, Leslie. Devon is gone—she isn't coming back for her things. Let the police do their jobs."

Dawson looked between Shay and Severide, and she noticed Shay's expression begin to change, and she wondered what Shay was going to say or do.

Shay turned her attention back to Antonio and Lindsay. "I don't know how he did it, or why he did, but I know it was Allister. Just please, find the connection."

Shay started to make her way toward the door, and paused just before her hand pushed down on the door handle.

"And just for the record," Shay said as she turned around and looked directly at Severide. "I have not forgotten that Devon is dead. Maybe you've forgotten that I had seen her gunned down in front of me."

"Shay," Severide began to say wanting to explain what he meant, but Shay had quickly left the room. He was about to follow her when Dawson stepped in front of him.

"Let her go," Dawson said. "She needs some space."

Severide looked at Dawson and then back at the door, as Dawson turned her attention to her brother.

"I know you guys have procedures to follow, but Shay doesn't make accusations. She gives people chances. If she thinks this is Allister, there is a good chance she is right," Dawson said.

"It's still a lot of leg work," Antonio said.

"We understand that you have procedure to follow," Chief said. "But can you at least tell us what your action plan is?"

"For the crime scene photos, we have to back log the security cameras and employees working on the days before they ended up in Leslie's locker," Lindsay answered. "Once we can narrow down the suspects, we have to find the connection between the officer who provided the copies of the crime scene photos and Allister."

"What about the truck?" Chief asked.

"That will be more difficult," Antonio said. "Even though Sergeant Platt did text me the information on who signed the vehicle out, standard procedure when police have custody of victim's personal belongings, figuring out who Mr. Park sold the truck to will be more problematic."

Dawson's brows furrowed. "Mr. Park?"

"Jay Park. Devon's father," Lindsay answered.

Dawson shook her head, and Antonio noticed.

"What is it, sis?"

"Devon's father is out on bail in Texas. She told me and Shay when she returned some of the money she had taken to put up bail for him."

Antonio and Lindsay exchanged a look.

"And even if he was allowed to leave the state," Dawson continued to say, "He was arrested for a DUI. They would have taken away his license."

Antonio pulled out his phone and began to look through his text messages. "Platt said that it was signed out by Mr. Jay Park. Driver's license as ID."

"But if he was arrested for a DUI, his driver's license would be in the system. All a person would need to forge would be to run a background check, and see if anything comes up. Devon's information was already easily accessible because she was a victim. A simple search of her name would pull up her next of kin, which would pull up her father's information," Lindsay added as if she was thinking out loud. "What officer signed out Devon's truck?"

"Officer Thomas Bonnet," Antonio said. "I think we just narrowed down our search."

"But you still have to find the connection between Bonnet and Allister," Severide said.

"That is easy. First we confirm that Mr. Park is still in Texas, and that should be easy given he has a surety. Once we confirm that he never left, we get Bonnet on forging documents. It won't be long before he names Allister," Lindsay answered.

"Thanks for all your help," Antonio said. "We'll make sure Allister faces the consequences of his actions."

* * *

OUT of uniform, and with her bag draped over her shoulders, Shay stood outside of the firehouse, where hours ago, Devon's truck had been on fire. The fire department had extinguished the fire rather quickly, and the police department had removed whatever was left of the truck into evidence. If it wasn't for the scorch marks on the ground, it was like nothing had happened.

Chief Boden had pulled her aside, after Antonio and Lindsay had left, to talk with her. The once optional vacation time was more or less mandatory now, and she didn't even bother to fight with Boden on that.

Shay closed her eyes as she stood in the final place where Devon's car would ever be. A wave of sadness had come over her as she realized the saying of everything coming to an end was true. But that realization wasn't what was making her hands tremble and her lip quiver.

No. What was making her shake, and become unsettled was knowing.

Knowing that there would be no more adventures or stories the truck would tell or go on.

Like Devon.

Knowing the truck's use and purpose had been horrifically cut short.

Like Devon.

Knowing the truck would never be coming back.

Like Devon.

* * *

SEVERIDE came home later that night, hoping in his absence Shay would have had a chance to cool down so they could talk. As he walked through the front door, he had noticed the house was eerily quiet and he almost had a déjà vu moment as if he had done this before.

As he walked into the kitchen, he knew that the déjà vu feeling was more like a memory as he saw a half empty tequila bottle uncapped on the kitchen counter.

"Shay?" Severide called out as she put the cap back on the lid and began to search the house for her.

He made his way up the stairs checking every room to see if she was passed out somewhere. When he had searched every inch of the house to no avail, he had taken out his cellphone and quickly dialed her number that went straight to voice mail. He sighed frustratingly as he texted her, '_Where are you? Call me. I am worried,' _only to have those go un-answered as well.

He headed for the front door, deciding to take a quick drive around the block to see where an intoxicated Shay might have gone.


	16. Chapter 16

**CHAPTER 16**

AS Severide walked into the apparatus bay of Firehouse 51, he scanned the area to look for Dawson. Once he had caught a glimpse of her figure, he made his way over to her.

"Dawson," He called out as he approached her, which caused Dawson to turn around and face Severide who looked a little worse for wear.

"Kelly," Dawson said, and it was only then did he realize that Dawson was having a conversation with Casey.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" Severide asked as he exchanged looks with both Dawson and Casey.

Casey took this as his cue to leave. "I'm going to get some coffee."

Severide watched as Casey headed toward the kitchen before he turned back to Dawson.

"What can I help you with?" Dawson asked.

"It's been three days," Severide said, and Dawson only gave him a confused look. "I have never gone this long without talking to Shay."

"I don't know what to tell you," Dawson said as she started to head toward the Ambo. "You two are going to have to talk."

Severide grabbed Dawson's arm, which caused her to stop walking and turn back to face him. "That's my point, Gabby. She won't talk to me. I have called, texted—nothing. I haven't heard or seen her in three days."

Dawson's expression changed to that of concern, but Severide didn't notice as he continued to talk. "And I just thought with her staying with you, you could convince her to at least call or text me."

"Kelly," Dawson began to say. "Shay isn't staying at my place. I thought she was home."

Severide took a step back, his face now mirroring Dawson's. "What do you mean?"

Dawson pulled out her cellphone. "I haven't heard from her either. She responded to one text two days ago, and that was it." She dialed Shay's number, only to have it go straight to voice mail with a message that her inbox was full.

"This is just great," Severide said as he ran his hands through his hair. "Shay's out in the wind again. And again, it is over Devon."

"Look, I know you have your issues with Devon. You have made that perfectly clear time and time again. But Leslie…Leslie loved her and lost her in one of the worst possible ways right before her eyes. So could you at least show her a little bit of sympathy?"

Severide nodded his head. "You're right. And I don't mean to be insensitive, but I am worried."

Dawson bit her lip. She was worried too.

"Look, even though I hate to admit it, you know her better than anyone else. I am just asking for your help."

"At least you asked me nicely this time," Dawson remarked, knowing full well that she could have been just as rude to him as he was to her when she and Shay were having difficulties.

"I appreciate it, thanks Gabby."

* * *

AFTER shift, Severide and Dawson drove around the city hoping to find Shay. They had checked every place they both could think of. The first place Dawson suggested to check was the bridge, the same place she had found her before. When that had turned up nothing, they headed to Manny's, one of Shay's favourite diners. That too had turned up nothing, with the owner stating that he hadn't seen Shay for a couple of days. Dawson suggested they check out Andersonville and Boystown, hoping that maybe Shay had visited one of the Lesbian bars in those two communities. Even then, no bartender could place a middle-aged blonde hair woman with a preference for tequila.

Dawson entered Severide's car after exiting the last Lesbian bar in Boystown.

"Anything?" Severide asked.

"Aside from a couple woman offering me drinks? No. No one can place Shay."

Severide sighed as he rubbed his eyes. They had spent much of the afternoon and evening chasing what seemed like a ghost.

"What about you? I have thought about all the places she could be. She hasn't picked up any of our calls. You know Shay too. Any place you could think of?"

Severide's eyes were now closed as he rested his head against the car seat. The car had gone quiet, which allowed him some time to think, while Dawson looked out the passenger window.

After a minute or two had passed, Severide opened his eyes and turned to Dawson and said, "There is this one place she likes to go to."

Dawson raised an eyebrow. "If you are going to say what I think you are going to say"—

"Strip club," Severide interrupted.

"Of course. Why am I not surprised?"

* * *

THE strip club had turned up nothing, which had only aggravated Severide even more. Dawson had to chase him out of the Strip Club, and it was only when he was leaned up against his car had she realized just how worried he was. She could see it in his eyes.

"I don't know what to do," Severide said with a broken voice.

Dawson made her way over to Severide and stood beside him, allowing her back to rest against the car. In the past two years, Shay had been through a lot, both physically and emotionally, from Clarice coming back into her life and leaving, to getting hit by a truck in the back of the Ambo, to Darryl's suicide, and Devon stealing her things, along with suffering a rebar puncture to her abdomen, and finally getting shot, and watching Devon die before her eyes. Just thinking about those had overwhelmed Dawson, so it was probably a million times worse for Shay.

"What if we can't help her?" Severide finally asked.

That was a possibility that Dawson had considered once she exited the last lesbian bar. Shay was smart, and she knew both her and Severide's working schedule. She would know they would be looking for her and would be avoiding all the usual places she would visit.

"Maybe it's not us that can help her," Dawson said as she looked at the moon.

"What do you mean?" Severide asked.

Dawson looked over at Severide. "I have one more idea. You just have to trust me."

* * *

THE next morning, on her day off, Dawson made her way to Firehouse 86. It was smaller than 51, but the second she had stepped through the doors, she was already welcomed by the firemen who worked there, who were congratulating her on passing the Firefighter exam, and offering their sympathies for being placed at Austin. A part of her wished she was heading here instead of there, but she was a strong woman. Austin would not break her.

"Gabriela Dawson," A familiar voice called out, which caused Dawson to turn around to face Chout who was holding a cup of coffee. "What brings you all the way to 86? I thought you were headed to Austin?"

"Hey Chout," Dawson said. "I actually came to talk to Rafferty. Is she here today?"

"Yeah. She's in the locker room. Straight through the kitchen and make a left."

"Thanks," Dawson said, and began to make her way toward the locker room. Once she made the left, it wasn't hard to find and it looked almost similar to the locker room at 51.

She saw Rafferty sitting on the bench, back turned toward Dawson, tying her shoe.

"Hey Rafferty," Dawson said, which caused Rafferty to turn around.

"Dawson," Rafferty responded with surprise in her voice. "Did you get transferred here for candidacy?"

"Unfortunately no," Dawson said. "I am still going to Austin once they sort everything out."

Rafferty gave Dawson a sympathetic smile. "Bummer."

"Tell me about it," Dawson said. "I actually came here to talk to you—if you have a minute?"

Rafferty was somewhat surprised, not knowing why Dawson would want to talk to her. "Um, sure. Yeah. I have a minute."

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to spring this up on you, and I completely understand if you say no. I just wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I didn't try everything, you know?"

Rafferty was now confused. "Okay…"

"It's Shay. Ever since the night of the shooting, she hasn't been the same. And she won't talk to me or Kelly about it."

Rafferty couldn't blame Shay for taking that hard, after all, Shay almost died. She could still see Shay in the back of the ambulance as she tried her hardest to make sure she still had a pulse when they arrived at the hospital.

"The woman, the one that was dead on arrival"—

"Devon." Rafferty said, remembering the woman's name.

"Yes. She was Shay's girlfriend."

Rafferty could feel the colour drain from her face. At first she thought she was just a random victim, but knowing this now had changed everything about what she remembered about that night. "Oh…"

"There was this transfer at 51, Allister. Long story short, he found out about Devon and has made her life a living hell. He placed pictures of the crime scene in her locker, and blew up Devon's truck to send a sick, twisted, message."

"Holy shit," Rafferty said.

"Yeah. The police are taking care of him now, hopefully. But Shay…we haven't heard from her in three, going on four days. We've tried to reach out and nothing."

"I don't know how much help I would be," Rafferty said. "I mean we didn't really get along. I spent most of my time with her teasing her."

Dawson knew that, but she also knew that Shay had liked Rafferty, and bit back just as hard. It took a lot to faze Shay. "I know. And I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't desperate."

Rafferty was just about to say something when the alarm went off for a call.

"Please," Dawson said as she followed Rafferty out of the locker room. "Think about it. That's all I ask."


	17. Chapter 17

**CHAPTER 17**

SHAY stared at the water from the Chicago Riverwalk, watching the waves go in and out on this particularly windy afternoon. She found it oddly comforting to watch the waves, it allowed her to momentarily shut off her brain and forget everything except for what she was concentrating on. In the last few days, she had hardly slept for more than a couple of hours. A constant barrage of nightmares had plagued her dreams, and she would wake herself up by her own screams in the cheap hotel room she was staying at.

The lack of sleep was obviously not good for her either. On more than one occasion, in her sleep deprived delirium, since the truck incident, had she thought she had seen Devon. The first time was when she was wandering the streets with an overnight bag, after a couple of tequila shots, and a woman had passed her. She was about the same height as Devon, was wearing a leather jacket, and the hairstyle was eerily the same. Upon doing a double take, it was obviously not Devon, and she had chalked that incident up to her being drunk. The other times though, she would wake up from a nightmare, and her eyes would fall onto the empty chair in the hotel room and see Devon sitting in the chair, watching over her, like she did when they first had, what Shay thought, was a one-night stand. Once she turned on the light in a panic, it was just an empty chair and a figment of her imagination. But she could never fall back to sleep after that.

"You aren't going to jump, are you?" A familiar and unexpected voice asked, breaking Shay's fixation on the water.

Shay had turned her head slightly to see Rafferty approach her. She had been careful in avoiding Severide and Dawson, and Rafferty was the last person she had ever expected to run into.

Of course Shay didn't respond to Rafferty's question, mostly because she didn't feel like or didn't have the energy to talk. However, she had hoped her momentary facial expression she shot Rafferty, was enough to convey a '_don't flatter yourself.' _ Even when Shay was a complete mess, the two of them were still no-holds-bar with each other and she kind of, in a strange way, appreciated that.

Rafferty was now beside Shay, who was back to looking at the water. There were probably other things for Rafferty to do on her day off work than spend half of it looking for Shay, but Dawson seemed genuinely concerned for her friend, and just one look at Shay was enough for Rafferty to be worried too.

They both stood in silence, listening to the water, the people, and the traffic – the sounds that made up Chicago, until Shay asked, "What are you doing here, Allison?"

"Your friends are worried about you," Rafferty said. "They said they haven't heard from you in days."

"I'm fine," Shay said. "I just needed some time alone."

"Because of Devon?"

Shay quickly turned to face Rafferty, who continued to look at the water.

"Dawson told me," Rafferty said, and while turning to face Shay she added, "I am sorry for your loss, Leslie."

Shay didn't know how to react, or even what to say, so she went back to focusing on the water.

Rafferty tried to study Shay's body language, and she knew that Shay was clearly avoiding the issue at hand. Rafferty was no stranger to this; after all, she had gone through the same thing when her fiancée had died of Hodgkin's lymphoma and she had shut out everyone from her life.

"You know," Rafferty began to say. "A friend of mine once told me that they had gone through a rough time and didn't reach out or talk to anyone—it almost swallowed her up. At the time she told me this, I was going through a rough time too, and her saying that helped me so much. So, I just want you to know…I'm here."

Shay felt two tears stream down her cheeks, and quickly tried to wipe her eyes, hoping Rafferty wouldn't notice.

"We all go through our own crucible, Shay. There is no shame in any of that."

Shay sighed sadly. "It's not that I don't want to talk to Kelly or Gabby. It's just I can't. They wouldn't understand."

"Then talk to me," Rafferty said. "Tell me what you can't tell them."

* * *

SITTING in a booth at Manny's, both nursing a cup of coffee and a plate of half eaten sandwich and fries, Shay had asked Rafferty how she had dealt with losing her fiancée. Rafferty had described the depression she had went into, shutting friends and family out, being angry at the world for being so cruel. It was only then had Rafferty realized what Shay had done for the last hour that they were there, and that was switching the focus off of her.

Rafferty straightened herself in the booth, deciding to turn the tables back on Shay. Looking Shay straight in the eye she said, "Tell me about Devon."

Shay quickly glanced down at her coffee. "I don't want to bore you with the lesbian details. I know you hate that stuff."

Rafferty just shook her head. "I promise you, you won't bore me with the lesbian details."

Shay looked back up at Rafferty, and she could see that Rafferty did want to genuinely talk. "It's complicated."

"How so?"

"Devon…she stole from Severide, Otis and me, and vanished without a word, only to return saying she used that money to bail out her father."

"Well, now I understand why you might have a hard time talking to Severide."

"Dawson wasn't really fan of her either. She was kind of out there. Into some weird things…"

Rafferty nodded her head. "But…"

"But, there were things that they couldn't know about her. Like how talented she was with her camera. She could take any picture and make it beautiful. Or, how she would comfort me in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep. Or how she would drive me around to get my mind off things after Darryl…"

Shay paused, gaining her composure before she continued. "There were moments where she had child-like innocence in how she looked at the world. When she says something so innocent—like a truck having stories, it almost takes you by surprise because when you look at her, it is the last thing you would expect coming from her…And I loved her for that."

"And you never told Severide or Dawson about this?"

Shay shook her head. "Severide thinks I had made a mistake giving her a second chance. Dawson has a lot going on right now, and I just don't want to bother her."

Rafferty just slowly nodded her head.

"The night of the shooting—the night she died, we were supposed to have a talk. I was going to cook dinner; it was just going to be the two of us. Instead, I came home and found a note that she was leaving. She wasn't going to make me choose between her and Severide. So I went out looking for her because deep down, I still wanted her."

"Maybe that's what you need," Rafferty said, and Shay only gave her a confused look. "Closure."

"I don't think I'll have closure," Shay said.

"No one really does. That's not what I mean by closure. I knew my fiancé was going to die, I just didn't know when. It still wasn't easy when he passed, obviously, but it helped a little knowing I was able to give him what he wanted."

"Devon's ashes were returned to her family, I am assuming. I don't know what they would do with them. Her father is a drunk, and her mother, well, she was abusive and they don't talk. It pains me to think that her final resting place will be in a zip lock bag on some dirty counter."

"Have you thought about it?" Rafferty asked as she picked up a fry.

"Thought about what?" Shay questioned.

"Giving Devon a proper funeral."

"I did. Briefly. But it is not my place, and I wouldn't even know where to look. Devon and I were on and off…"

"But you loved her."

Shay went back to looking at her coffee.

"You are probably the only one who ever gave her a second chance in her life. I am sure you meant a lot more to her than her actions displayed."

Shay went quiet. "Sometimes, I think about what Devon and I used to talk about. She told me once that she wanted to go Niagara Falls. She had never been there, and she wanted to take pictures. She wanted me to go with her, and she was going to drive there in her old truck. Those gang members that killed her…they took that away from her. The one place she wanted to go. It just makes me so…sad and damn angry."

Rafferty reached her hand across the table and placed it on top of Shay's. "I can't imagine what it is like to lose someone to murder. But Shay, you have friends. You have family. They would do anything to help you, all you have to do is ask."

Shay nodded her head. "I know. And maybe you are right. Maybe I do need some form of closure with Devon."

"You both need to be at peace. You know Devon better than anyone else."


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: **I just wanted to say thank you to those who continue to read and review this story it is very much appreciated.

* * *

**CHAPTER 18**

SHAY opened the door to her home and stepped inside. The afternoon talk she had with Rafferty was something that she didn't know she needed, but was thankful she had. She found it easier to explain to Rafferty that just because Devon had done a bad thing, it didn't make her a bad person.

The two of them had bonded over lunch– something they both thought impossible, and it was nice for Shay to hear Rafferty open up about her fiancé. Like her and Devon, Rafferty and her fiancé had trips they would never go on, and even though Shay insisted that her losing Devon was different than Rafferty losing her fiancé, Rafferty had stated that losing someone you love and care about is still losing someone you love and care about regardless of relationship status.

Shay looked up at the stairs to see Severide slowly walking down. His face had mix of concern and relief, and Shay wasn't sure if he was going to lecture her or not.

"Shay," Severide said once he was down the stairs and standing inches away from her.

Shay started to say, "Look, Kelly, if this is going to be a lecture"—but was interrupted by him pulling her into a hug.

"I'm sorry, Leslie," Severide said while still hugging her tightly. "I shouldn't have said what I said."

"And I shouldn't have just run off like I did," Shay said as they both parted from the hug. "I just find it easier to run away from by problems."

Severide could understand that, as he was guilty of that too. "I know. I was just worried."

Shay offered Severide a small smile. She knew how much he cared for her, and even though when they first started to live together they had made a promise not to get into each other's business, it was extremely difficult for both of them to hold up their ends of the bargain.

Severide was quiet for a moment as he studied Shay. "You loved her, didn't you?"

Shay put her head down as she slowly nodded her head. Maybe she fell in love with people too hard and fast – maybe that was her character flaw. When she finally looked back up at Severide there were tears in her eyes.

"Yeah. I did," She said, which caused Severide to pull her into a hug again, allowing her to cry into his shoulder.

* * *

SHAY had only been given a week off from work, but she had called Boden asking if she could come back earlier. At first Boden had been reluctant, but Shay knew that staying home would only make her dwell, and that was what caused her to run off in the first place. She had assured him her headspace was clearer, and she trusted the Chicago Police Department to take the appropriate steps in dealing with Allister and what he had done.

Shay was glad she was able to convince Boden for her to come back. Seeing the house again gave her a sense of purpose, even though the whole ride to work Severide had kept asking her if she was sure she was ready to come back. The first thing she did when she stepped into the apparatus bay was walk over to Ambo 61. She missed being in the Ambo, and was actually looking forward to doing inventory.

The sound of Dawson's voice coming from the other side of the Bay snapped Shay out of her thoughts.

"I swear, Casey, if I am stuck with McAuley again today as a replacement, I will lose my shit."

"Oh come on, Gabby, McAuley is not that bad," Casey said.

Dawson shook her head. "He has terrible bed side manner, Casey. Someone could have a laceration on their arm, and he will be talking about amputations – freaking them out."

"So he is a pessimist," Casey added. "Some people are like that."

Dawson stopped in her tracks. "Being a pessimist does not help the situations we get called to." She put her index finger on Casey's chest. "And the only reason why you are defending him – why the guys were defending him for the last few days when he was clearly out of line on calls is because he has a hot wife."

"Did you say hot wife?" Shay asked as she made her way toward Dawson and Casey.

Casey chuckled slightly, but Dawson was too relieved to see Shay to even notice her comment.

Dawson threw herself onto Shay, who momentarily lost her footing, and almost fell to the ground. Shay wasn't sure if Dawson was happy to see her, or relieved that McAuley was not going to be her partner today.

Severide, who had followed Shay into the bay made his way over to Casey, and smiled as he saw Shay and Dawson hug.

Once Shay parted from the hug she said, "Boden wanted to see me before shift starts, so I should go talk to him."

Shay started to head toward Boden's office, and once she was out of ear distance, Severide looked over at Dawson, knowing she was in part responsible for helping Shay to return home.

"I don't know what you did, or how you did it, but thank you for getting Shay to come back home," Severide said.

Dawson nodded her head. "You're not the only one who loves her, you know."

* * *

SHAY exited Boden's office after she had a quick talk with him. He wanted to make sure she was okay after everything that had happened, and she had reassured him that it was harder to focus on her own problems, when she was busy helping others with theirs.

As she walked toward the locker room, she couldn't help but think of Rafferty and their conversation about needing closure. She hadn't really thought about paying respects to Devon, or if there was even a place where she could pay her respect—the latter of which kind of broke her heart when she thought about it. Devon deserved some type of proper resting place, and if she had one, the least she could do was visit it. The only problem was that she knew Devon's remains were shipped to her father, that he was somewhere in San Antonio and that was about it. She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she didn't even notice Newhouse, who was carrying a pile of papers, until she collided with him.

"I'm so sorry," Shay said as she quickly bent down to help pick up the papers she had knocked. "I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

Newhouse only chuckled. "That's quite all right. Thanks for helping me." "It's the least I can do," Shay said once all the papers had been collected and they were both standing.

Newhouse noticed that Shay looked like she was deep in thought. "Something on your mind?"

"It's nothing," Shay answered dismissively.

"It's cool if you don't want to talk, I get that," Newhouse said.

"It's not that I don't want to talk, it's just boring, really."

"I'm a great listener," Newhouse said with a smile. "If you want to talk."

"I appreciate that, Newhouse. I do. But it really is silly and boring. It is not like I would be able to find him anyway."

Newhouse raised an eyebrow. "You want to find someone?"

"I don't know. I mean, I wouldn't even know where to start looking."

"If you don't mind me asking, who are you looking for?"

Shay took a deep breath. "Devon's father, Jay Park. He is somewhere in San Antonio, and that is all I know."

Newhouse nodded his head in understanding.

"He requested that her ashes be sent to him. I know it is stupid, but I think it would help if I was able to pay my respects to her."

"That's not stupid at all," Newhouse answered back. "Have you done anything as of yet in terms of finding him?"

"No. I mean, I can only think of two places that will have his address. The first is the hospital, and I highly doubt they would hand that information over to me—I wasn't even her next of kin. The second place is the police station, and after everything, I kind of don't want to go there."

"That's understandable. Look, Shay, I do this kind of work with my cousin on the side. I'm already helping Mills with one thing, but if you would like, I could certainly take a look into finding Devon's father." Shay straightened up, touched by Newhouse's offer. However, she knew the price of private investigators, and it was something that she wouldn't be able to afford.

"And before you say anything," Newhouse continued. "You don't have to worry about paying me anything. I never charge family, but I do make them buy me a beer, and I am a heavy drinker."

Shay smiled. "You would do that for me?"

"I can't guarantee anything, but I can try. I understand the importance of closure."

"Thank you, Newhouse. I can't tell you how much that means to me."

"Not a problem," Newhouse said. With a smile he added, "And between you and Mills, I don't think I'll ever have to pay for a drink again."

Shay laughed just as the alarm bell rang out.

"_Engine 51, Truck 81, Squad 3, Ambulance 61. House fire on 14__th__ street and Springfield Avenue."_


End file.
